"Compassion" Is Not Innate ─ A Skill for Children to Learn and Adults to Reclaim: Neuroscience Reveals the Benefits and Pitfalls of Compassion

1. Why "Compassion" Has Become a Global Theme

November 28 is "World Compassion Day," proposed by Indian poet and activist Pritish Nandy. It is a day to revisit compassion towards people, animals, and nature, centered on Gandhi's philosophy of "Ahimsa (non-violence)."Wikipedia

The German newspaper 'WELT' published an article themed "How children learn compassion and how adults can rediscover it" in conjunction with this commemorative day. The background includes "chronic stress" that envelops the world, such as wars, climate crises, disparities, and divisions. In an atmosphere where people are exposed to daily news and social media uproars, barely managing to protect themselves, let alone empathize with others' pain, the significance of deliberately focusing on "compassion" is not small.

The Dalai Lama once called compassion "the only religion for humanity." In any religion, culture, or philosophy, the heart that cares for others has been considered the foundation of human society. On the other hand, modern psychology and neuroscience are beginning to show that this "compassion" is not an innate trait but a "learnable skill."

2. Is "Pity" Not Compassion? Defining Compassion

Neuroscientist Olga Klimecki, quoted in the 'WELT' article, defines "compassion" as follows:
A mental movement that wishes to alleviate the suffering of others while feeling warmth and connection to their suffering.DIE WELT

The key point here is that it is different from "just being down together."

• Pity: Tends to look down on the other person as "pitiful"

• Empathy: Feeling the emotions of the other person as if they were your own. Sometimes prone to "empathy fatigue."

• Compassion: While feeling the other's pain, constructively facing "how can I support them?"

Compassion is said to play a role in preventing "empathy fatigue," which can drag both the other person and oneself down. Brain imaging studies have shown that people who engage in meditation or training to cultivate compassion have increased activity in areas related to positive emotions and rewards, and decreased stress responses.Frontiers

3. How Do Children Learn "Compassion"?

The 'WELT' article emphasizes that compassion is a "socially acquired skill." From infancy, children are astonishingly sensitive to the expressions and tones of adults, and behaviors such as looking anxious when someone is crying or bringing tissues have been observed.DIE WELT

Behind this is the following learning process:

1. Adults as Models
   How parents or caregivers speak when someone is in trouble.
   Children who are accustomed to seeing someone gently approach with "Are you okay?" are more likely to act in the same way.

2. Relationship as a Safe Base
   How one was treated when they cried, were scolded, or failed.
   Experiences of being accepted for "just being" rather than conditionally create the sense that "people can help each other."

3. Accumulation of Small Success Experiences
   When a friend is helped and responds with "You saved me, thank you," the helping behavior is imprinted in the brain as "pleasant."

According to research by Klimecki and others, in addition to such environments, conducting mindfulness and compassion programs for children has been shown to increase the frequency of cooperative behavior and sharing.DIE WELT

However, not all children acquire compassion in the same way. Family stress, experiences of bullying, and economic insecurity make "protecting oneself first" a priority, depriving them of the capacity to embrace others' emotions. The difference in compassion is not merely a matter of "personality" but is significantly influenced by the environment.

4. Can "Compassion" Be Cultivated Even in Adulthood?

So, what about adults whose hearts have been worn down by society?
In a study introduced by 'WELT' by Klimecki and others, 108 individuals with interpersonal relationship issues underwent a five-week "compassion training." Participants continued practicing by imagining the human background and commonalities with difficult colleagues at work or challenging relationships with family and partners, gently focusing on the suffering of both themselves and the other person.DIE WELT

As a result of the training, the following changes were observed:

• A decrease in "Schadenfreude" feelings towards others

• A reduced "psychological distance" towards the other person, making it easier to feel closeness

• In terms of actual behavior, they became more cooperative and less likely to escalate conflicts

Furthermore, in a study targeting couples, partners who underwent several weeks of compassion training reported that the "aftertaste of fights" improved, and they were able to clearly communicate their needs while also listening to their partner.DIE WELT

Interestingly, these changes are not just "mood issues" but have also been confirmed as changes in brain activity patterns. Long-term meditation and mindfulness interventions have shown reductions in loneliness and changes in responses to social exclusion, suggesting that compassion can be an important buffer not only for interpersonal relationships but also for overall mental health.ResearchGate

5. The "Dark Side" of Kindness—Does Compassion Have a Dark Side?

The 'WELT' article finally touches on the "shadow" aspect of compassion. Researchers at the University of Ulm suggest that strong compassion for a specific group can sometimes increase hostility towards "outsiders."DIE WELT

A clear example would be:

• The strong feeling of "protecting only my family" can justify choices that sacrifice others

• Compassion for "fellow citizens" or "same religion" can lead to the exclusion of "different people"

Such phenomena.

In other words, the stronger the "affection for someone," the colder or more aggressive one may become towards those "outside the circle."

When cultivating compassion, it is important to consider "how far to expand the range." It is necessary to gradually broaden the perspective to include not only family, friends, and colleagues but also "people in different positions" and "those who are currently difficult to understand." World Compassion Day aims to overcome this precariousness by advocating "universal compassion" that transcends religion and borders.Wikipedia

6. The Empathy and Ambivalence Towards "Compassion" on Social Media

Around November 28, timelines on X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, Facebook, and other platforms see a surge in posts related to World Compassion Day. Messages like "Today is World Compassion Day. Try being kind to at least one person" and "Compassion starts with directing it towards yourself" are shared by many accounts.Instagram

Broadly speaking, the reactions on social media can be divided into the following tendencies:

1. Positive Empathy Group

   • "Thanks to days like this, I can pause and reflect on things I usually overlook."

   • "Watching news and controversies all the time makes my heart harden. It's a good opportunity to focus on compassion."
     Such voices are particularly noticeable from those working in "care" fields like caregiving, education, and healthcare.

2. Self-Compassion Emphasis Group

   • "Don't forget compassion for yourself before being kind to others."

   • "Continuously blaming yourself for failures might be the closest form of violence."
     There are many such messages. In fact, Facebook posts include comments like "World Compassion Day should also be an opportunity to forgive your own blunders and speak more kindly to yourself."

3. Discomfort with "Mandatory Kindness" Group

   • "Isn't it counterproductive to pressure struggling people to 'be more compassionate'?"

   • "Campaigns that ignore structural issues and only emphasize individual kindness are exhausting."
     Such critical voices are also seen, warning against reducing compassion to a matter of individual manners or personality.

These reactions indicate that compassion is a theme that doesn't just end as a "nice story." Amid the complex interplay of personal inner worlds, social structures, and online outrage culture, the question of "what kind of compassion, to whom, and to what extent" is constantly being replayed on social media.

7. How to Incorporate "Compassion as Training" into Daily Life

The 'WELT' article and recent research teach us that compassion is not a "talent" but something like a "muscle that can grow with training." So, what small practices can we start with in our daily lives?

① Practice "Putting Yourself in Someone Else's Shoes" Once a Day
When you see a post on the news or social media that irritates you, take 30 seconds to imagine, "What background or anxieties might this person have?" Even if you can't agree, just acknowledging the fact that "they live in a different world from me" can subtly activate the compassion circuits in your brain.

② Self-Compassionate Self-Talk
When you fail, instead of blaming yourself with "Why can't I even do this?" try directing words to yourself like you would to a close friend: "That was tough, but you're not wrong for trying." High levels of self-compassion are increasingly being recognized as preventive factors against depression and anxiety.

③ Discuss "Compassion Rules" with Family or Teams
In family or workplace meetings, try to verbalize "how we can treat each other to feel safe."##HTML_TAG_