To Those Who Struggle with Colleagues' Success: How to Turn Workplace "Jealousy" into a Sign of Growth

A colleague was praised by the boss.
Someone who joined after you was entrusted with a major task.
Someone on the same team got promoted and received applause from those around them.

In that moment, a part of your heart feels a little rough. Outwardly, you can say "Congratulations." However, inside, you might think, "Why them?" or "I've been working hard too."

Workplace jealousy is a rarely discussed emotion. Many people hide it in their hearts, fearing they will be seen as small-minded if they speak up. Yet, jealousy itself is not uncommon. In fact, as long as people work seeking evaluation, rewards, recognition, and growth opportunities, it's a natural reaction that can happen to anyone.

The issue is not that you feel jealous.
It's about how you handle that emotion.

Jealousy Reveals "What You Want"

When you feel jealous of a colleague, it might seem like you're angry at the person themselves. However, upon closer inspection, it's often a reaction to "something the person has."

For example, if a colleague's promotion bothers you, it might mean you also want to move into a more responsible position.
If you feel anxious seeing someone speak confidently in meetings, you might want to have a stronger presence or influence.
If you're unsettled by a colleague being trusted by the boss, you might have a desire to be seen and recognized fairly.

In other words, jealousy is also a sign that tells you "what you truly want."

The key here is not to immediately judge emotions as good or bad. If you blame yourself by thinking "Feeling jealous is the worst," the emotion will go underground and is likely to erupt in another form. Gossip, cold attitudes, excessive self-denial, and apathy towards work. Often, these reactions are underpinned by unresolved jealousy.

First, treat jealousy as "information within yourself."
Use it as a tool to understand yourself, not as ammunition to attack others.
From there, workplace jealousy begins to change its meaning little by little.

"Envy" and "Unforgivable" Are Different

Jealousy can generally be divided into two directions.

One direction is the thought "I want to be like that too." You feel frustration seeing someone else's success, but that frustration drives you towards effort and learning. This is jealousy that leads to growth.

The other direction is the thought "I can't stand that person being appreciated." You feel someone else's success as your own defeat. This can lead to feelings of wanting to drag the person down, lower their evaluation, or isolate them from others. This is jealousy that can poison the workplace atmosphere.

When a colleague is praised, it's good to observe the words that come to your mind.

Is it "I want to reach that level too"?
Is it "I can't stand that person getting all the benefits"?
Is it "It's pointless no matter what I do"?
Is it "Am I not being evaluated fairly"?

Even with the same jealousy, the underlying emotions differ. Frustration, inferiority, unfairness, loneliness, anxiety, desire for recognition. If you can break down these emotions, your next actions will change.

What to Do First When You Feel Jealous

When you feel jealous, first try to specify "what you are jealous of."

Is it the person's salary?
Their title?
The trust from the boss?
Their speed at work?
Their skill in human relationships?
Their confident attitude?
Their expertise that you lack?

If you leave this vague, you might end up disliking the person's entire existence. However, by looking closely at the target of your jealousy, you might see challenges that you can tackle.

For example, if you're jealous of their presentation skills, you can improve your speaking, material preparation, and frequency of speaking up in meetings.
If you're jealous of their relationship with the boss, you can think about how to communicate your achievements and improve the quality of your reporting and communication.
If you're jealous of their promotion, you can check with your boss about the experience or skills you lack.

Jealousy becomes a strength when it is converted into action.
Conversely, jealousy that is not converted into action tends to turn into attacks on others or oneself.

When You Feel "The Evaluation is Unfair"

Workplace jealousy can be troublesome because it sometimes goes beyond mere personal feelings. There might be actual issues like opaque evaluation systems, favoritism from bosses, or differences in how achievements are perceived.

Therefore, you don't need to conclude that "it's bad to be jealous."

If you have a strong sense of unfairness about a colleague's evaluation, it's practical to discuss it with your boss as part of your career conversation, rather than emotionally blaming the person.

Instead of pressing with "Why was that person evaluated?"
Ask, "What achievements or skills do I need to move to the next stage?"
Say, "I want to be involved in the next project too; what should I improve?"
Express, "I want to confirm my current evaluation and expectations."

By shifting the subject from the other person to yourself, the conversation becomes constructive.

The more painful jealousy is, the more you might want to find faults in others. However, lowering others doesn't necessarily raise your evaluation. Instead, you might be seen as "difficult to deal with" or "someone who only complains" by those around you.

What is truly needed in the workplace is not to deny others' success, but to clarify the conditions for your own progress.

On Social Media, Voices of "It's Hard Having Too Competent Colleagues" Also Exist

 

This theme is also a common concern on social media and forums.

In one post, someone expressed suffering from jealousy to the point of sleeplessness, feeling that a newly joined colleague was clearly more capable than themselves. The poster didn't want to attack the person but rather felt disgusted with themselves for having such emotions. Responses included suggestions like "Think of the person as a free resource to learn from" and "It's up to you whether to turn jealousy into a learning experience or pettiness."

These responses are insightful when considering workplace jealousy. Many people do not completely deny jealousy itself. Rather, they are interested in "how to use it."

On the other hand, there are posts about how attitudes from colleagues changed after a promotion. The person was happy about the promotion, but felt isolated as colleagues voiced dissatisfaction and were no longer as supportive as before. This highlights the isolation pain that can come with success.

In other words, workplace jealousy is not just a problem for the "jealous."
Those who are envied also experience discomfort and anxiety.
It affects the trust within the entire team.

Those Who Are Envied Are Not Unscathed

When someone gets promoted or recognized, the reactions from those around them are not always purely congratulatory. Even if there is applause on the surface, there might be distance, sarcasm, or reduced information sharing behind the scenes.

When jealousy worsens in the workplace, it often takes the following forms:

Not sharing necessary information.
Ignoring comments in meetings.
Exaggerating failures.
Underestimating achievements.
Spreading gossip or half-truths.
Deliberately being cold when asked for cooperation.

When it gets to this point, jealousy is no longer just a personal emotion but a workplace risk. It affects the individual's mental health and lowers team productivity.

If you feel you are the one being envied, it's important not to immediately condemn others but first observe the facts. Deciding "I'm being envied" based on one cold reaction is risky. The other person might have just been having a tough day.

However, if criticism, ignoring, obstruction, or gossip is repeated, it's important to keep records and consult with your boss or HR if necessary. Communicate it as a fact affecting work, not as an emotional issue. Again, the focus should be on restoring a smooth work environment, not attacking the other person's character.

The Importance of Successful People Showing "Failures"

An interesting study suggests that when successful people share not only their achievements but also the failures and struggles that led to them, malicious envy from others tends to decrease.

This can be applied in the workplace. Of course, you don't need to reveal all your weaknesses. However, if you present your achievements as if you were perfect from the start, it can create distance and resistance among those around you.

For example, when a project succeeds,
say "The initial plan didn't work out,"
"I was quite confused along the way,"
"I got help from so-and-so,"
or "We changed this based on past failures."
Adding such context makes success appear more human.

People tend to feel more affinity for those whose efforts and failures are visible than for those who seem perfect. Instead of boasting about success, share the journey. This alone can help alleviate workplace jealousy.

Rather Than Trying to Erase Jealousy, Change Its Use

Jealousy is not an emotion that should be completely erased. In fact, the more you try to erase it, the stronger it can become.

The important thing is to change how you use jealousy.

If seeing a colleague's success is painful, start by asking yourself these questions.

What did I want?
Which part of the person do I envy?
Is it something I can approach with my own efforts?
Is there something I should confirm with my boss?
What can I learn?
What is the next step I need?

When you can answer these questions, jealousy becomes more than just suffering. It becomes a signal that informs you of your desires.

Of course, there will be days when you can't immediately become positive. There will be days when you're filled with frustration. On such days, there's no need to force yourself to "celebrate others." Take a little distance in your heart and think about it once you've calmed down.

The important thing is not to hurt others because of jealousy.
And not to destroy yourself because of jealousy.

What is Needed in the Workplace is Not "Not Comparing"

It's often said that "it's better not to compare yourself to others." Indeed, constantly comparing can be exhausting. However, it's difficult to completely eliminate comparisons in the workplace. Evaluation, salary, position, project assignments, trust from superiors—there are many elements in the work world that foster comparisons.

That's why what's needed is not to stop comparing, but to change how you compare.

Instead of thinking "That person went up, so I went down,"
think "What can I learn from that person?"
Instead of thinking "It's unfair that only that person benefits,"
think "What do I need to gain the same opportunities?"
Instead of thinking "I want that person to fail,"
think "What is my next growth goal?"

Comparison can be both poison and medicine. If used to drag others down, it becomes poison. If used to understand your current position and decide your next step, it becomes medicine.

Those Who Feel Jealousy Might Actually Be Serious About Their Work

Many people feel ashamed of being jealous at work. However, behind jealousy, there is often a genuine interest in work, a desire to grow, and a wish to be recognized.

People don't feel jealous about things they don't care about.
It's because you truly value something that your heart is stirred when someone else obtains it.

So, when you feel jealous of a colleague, you might consider this:

"I still want to gain something from this job."
"I haven't given up on growing yet."
"I truly want to be recognized."

Acknowledging this truth is not a weakness. Rather, it is the starting point for moving forward.

Jealousy, if mishandled, can ruin relationships.
However, if you face it head-on, it can teach you about your desires.

When a colleague's success is painful, what you should focus on is not their footsteps.
It's the direction you want to walk in from now on.

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Source URL

n-tv "Psychologie im Arbeitsalltag: Ich bin neidisch auf meine Kollegin - und jetzt?"
An original article on viewing workplace jealousy as a "sign of your desires," handling it constructively, consulting with superiors, and setting boundaries.
https://www.n-tv.de/ratgeber/Ich-bin-neidisch-auf-meine-Kollegin-und-jetzt-id30694769.html

n-tv "Neid am Arbeitsplatz: Wie Missgunst das Team belastet"
A reference article supplementing the risks of workplace jealousy turning into obstruction, exclusion, sarcasm, rumors, and