How to Help Manage Unruly Children's Behavior: Methods to Calm the Mind

"I hit my friend again."

How would a parent feel if told this at pickup time? There would be feelings of guilt towards the other child, concern for the teacher, and exhaustion from wondering, "How many times do I have to tell them?"

The caregivers are also in a difficult position. While attending to one child, they must also ensure the safety of others and manage meals and changing clothes.

In such situations, alongside stopping the child's behavior, it is crucial to observe "what happened before the behavior occurred."

A case reported by Germany's public broadcaster SWR on November 7, 2026, illustrates this point. The key to changing the situation was consideration for noise and a place where the child could rest comfortably.

The boy who both hit and hid with his ears covered

The boy featured in the article was four years old at the time. He would hit caregivers and pinch other children, while also hiding in cupboards and using indoor shoes to block out noise.

Seeing these two behaviors together changes how one perceives the actions.

If only the aggressive behavior towards others is seen, the child might appear "violent." However, the act of covering his ears and retreating to confined spaces suggests he might also be feeling overwhelmed.

At the time, his life was undergoing several changes: the family's move, the birth of a younger brother, and a four-week relocation to another facility due to plumbing issues at the childcare center.

While each event can be explained to adults, for a young child, it might have been a series of changes to the foundation of their familiar life.

According to his mother, his behavior was more pronounced at the childcare center than at home. The boy was extremely sensitive to noise, becoming overwhelmed by stimuli, and would push, pinch, or scream when unable to move to a quieter place.

"It's not that bad at home" becomes crucial information

When a child's behavior differs between home and the childcare center, discussions can sometimes miss the mark.

Parents might be puzzled, saying, "That doesn't happen at home," while caregivers are troubled, saying, "But it happens every day here." Both are conveying the child's behavior as they see it, yet they feel misunderstood by the other.

However, the difference itself holds significance.

The amount of noise, the proximity to others, and the pace of activities differ between home and the center. At home, a child can withdraw at their own pace, but in a group setting, there are times when everyone must clean up or change clothes together.

In the SWR case, stress and aggressive behavior were more likely to surface during transitions from play to cleanup, changing clothes, lunchtime, and when parents came to pick up their children.

The question to consider is not "Which explanation is correct?" but rather, "What differences affect the child's comfort?"

Even the same child can behave differently depending on the environment. By carefully examining these differences, entry points for support can sometimes be found.

Experts observed where the child was struggling in daily life

The childcare facility suggested the family use the specialized support service "Heilpädagogischer Fachdienst" operated by Reha-Südwest.

This is a system that advises on children's developmental and educational support needs in childcare settings. According to the organization's official guide, it offers free case consultations for caregivers, daily response planning, collaboration with parents, and staff training.

The starting point for the support reported by SWR was observation.

How the child spends time in a group, how they interact with other children and caregivers, and which situations become burdensome.

Based on these observations, experts and caregivers consider how to respond.

The boy received support for about six months. Experts suggested headphones for noisy situations and a corner where he could calm down away from the group.

According to the article, incorporating these measures improved the situation. Caregivers found it easier to interact according to his needs, and the fear other children had of interacting with him was alleviated.

Now six years old, the boy is reportedly well-adjusted to life in elementary school.

However, this is the support process for one child. It does not present headphones as a universal solution to eliminate hitting behavior. What matters is identifying the child's burdens and tailoring the response accordingly.

A quiet place is not a place of punishment

If we relate this case to childcare in Japan, the first thing to consider is the role of a "calm place."

Even if the act of leaving the group is the same, its meaning changes depending on the purpose.

A place where a child is ordered to stay because they "did something bad" is different from a place where they know they can "rest here if it gets tough."

What is needed is a place where the child can regain a sense of security and rejoin activities. It is not about confining them or leaving them alone where adults cannot see them.

According to information from Japan's National Rehabilitation Center for Persons with Disabilities, when a child has difficulty living comfortably, it is recommended to observe the surrounding environment. If there is sensitivity to sensory stimuli, providing a calm place and reducing stimuli may help.

If the criterion for participation is solely "being in the same place at the same time as everyone else," children who need a break will find it more challenging.

Being able to step away and gather oneself is an essential condition for spending time in a group.

Considering both understanding the child and the safety of those around them

We must not forget the children who are pushed or hit.

Even if there are underlying issues, injuries and fear cannot be left unaddressed. Care for the affected child and measures to ensure safety are necessary.

To prevent recurrence, investigate the situation before the aggressive behavior occurs. Understanding the child's issues can help make safety measures more concrete.

For example, the following records can be considered as materials for discussion:

• What was happening when the incident occurred
• Were there any sounds, movements, or schedule changes just before
• Did the child show signs of covering their ears or trying to leave
• What response helped the child calm down

Simply noting "the child was aggressive today" makes it hard to see what can be changed the next day. Information like "the child covered their ears and then pushed right after being told to clean up" makes the subject of consideration more specific.

This is not a record for evaluating parents or caregivers. It is material for the adults involved to share the same perspective.

The anxiety of "acting out only at the center" and "might have to leave" seen on social media

Similar concerns to this case are posted on overseas social media.

However, the following are not direct responses to the SWR article. They are posts and advice from parents on the same theme found on the English-speaking bulletin board-style social media "Reddit."

In one post, a parent explained that their three-and-a-half-year-old child struggles to process emotions when overstimulated and sometimes hits or pushes friends at the center. The post's title expressed strong anxiety about possibly having to leave the center again.

Another post shared concerns about a two-year-old child who exhibits tantrums and hitting or pushing behavior at the center, which are not seen at home. The poster mentioned having provided headphones to reduce noise.

In a thread discussing children overwhelmed by stimuli at the center, advice was given to consult with caregivers about opportunities for quiet activities or temporarily leaving the room.

These posts reveal not only the children's behavior but also the family's anxiety about possibly losing their childcare placement.

Of course, experiences shared on social media do not constitute diagnoses or proof of support effectiveness. They do not represent the opinions of all users. Nonetheless, they convey that some parents want to consult about the environment and support system, rather than just seeking ways to scold.

What the figure of "98% retention in consultations" indicates

The SWR article mentions that in 98% of consultation cases involving specialized support, children were able to retain their childcare placement.

This does not mean "98% of children's issues were completely resolved." The article does not provide details on the aggregation period or evaluation methods.

Nevertheless, the outcome highlighted by this figure is significant.

It means children can maintain their connection with familiar places, caregivers can continue to consider responses, and families are not solely consumed by the anxiety of finding the next placement.

The success of support is measured not only by how many times behavior is reduced but also by whether life and participation can continue.

According to the article, this service covers over 200 childcare facilities and approximately 14,000 children, with the number of consultations doubling over the past five years.

However, the increase in consultations does not necessarily mean that aggressive behavior in children has doubled. It is necessary to consider the background of the numbers, including the possibility that consultations have become more accessible.

Even if there are children who need support, the support system is not guaranteed

SWR also touches on the financial future of the support service.

According to the report, a new state administrative regulation proposal may limit subsidies to public youth welfare operators, potentially excluding private welfare organizations like Reha-Südwest.

While the city of Karlsruhe has promised funding for 2027, long-term continuation is not assured. This is a concern regarding the regulation proposal, not a decision to end support.

This issue is not distant for Japanese readers either.

If we ask childcare centers to "tailor to each individual," time for observation, access to experts for consultation, and opportunities for staff to learn how to respond are also necessary.

If we ask parents to "cooperate with the center," it is important that sharing concerns does not become an experience of blame but leads to the next support step.

Continuing child-specific responses solely on the goodwill and efforts of the field is difficult. It is necessary to consider the support system for the adults providing support.

Adding one more question when observing children

Behaviors like screaming, pushing, and hitting can have various backgrounds. The sensitivity to noise seen in the boy in this article cannot explain everything.

The same behavior does not allow for assumptions about specific developmental disorders.

However, there are questions we can add in our daily interactions.

In addition to "Why don't they listen?" ask, "Which situations are difficult for this child?"

In addition to "How can we make them stop?" ask, "What can be changed beforehand?"

In the SWR case, the act of covering ears and trying to hide provided clues for considering support. By observing the child's behavior before and after what is visible on the surface, more options for response became available.

Protecting the children around, reducing the child's distress, and enabling parents and caregivers to think together. Even a small change like creating a quiet corner has meaning for this purpose.

Sources and References

1. SWR Aktuell: The report on which this article is based (November 7, 2026)
   About the boy's life changes, behavior at the childcare center, expert observations and environmental adjustments, retention rates, consultation numbers, and financial challenges.
   https://www.swr.de/swraktuell/baden-wuerttemberg/karlsruhe/schreien-schubsen-schlagen-was-tun-wenn-kinder-ausrasten-100.html

2. Reha-Südwest: Official guide to specialized support services in Karlsruhe
   Used to confirm the content of services such as free consultations for caregivers, response planning, collaboration with parents, and staff training.
   https://www.reha-suedwest.de/hpfd-karlsruhe/reha-suedwest.de

3. National Rehabilitation Center for Persons with Disabilities - Developmental Disabilities Information and Support Center "Awareness Points"
   Referenced for perspectives on observing children's behavior and environment, sensitivity to sensory stimuli, and considerations for calm places and stimuli.
   https://www.rehab.go.jp/ddis/aware/nursery/child/National Rehabilitation Center for Persons with Disabilities

4. Reddit: Post about a 3.5-year-old's behavior at the center and anxiety about leaving again
   Referenced for a parent's description of hitting and pushing behavior in overstimulating situations. Not a response to the SWR article.
   https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/1ew8zf0/reddit.com

5. Reddit: Post about differences in a 2-year-old's behavior at home and at the center
   Referenced for a parent's description of tantrums and behavior towards others at the center, and providing headphones to reduce noise.
   https://www.reddit.com/r/oneanddone/comments/1jvk53y/2_year_old_behavior_issues_at_daycare/reddit.com##HTML_TAG_