The Intimacy Dilemma of Young Men: Before Saying "Yes," There Are Multiple Signs — A Consent Known as 'Multi-Factor Verification' Named by Research

The Intimacy Dilemma of Young Men: Before Saying "Yes," There Are Multiple Signs — A Consent Known as 'Multi-Factor Verification' Named by Research

1) "Consent is Important"—Why Its "Correctness" Wavers in Practice

In recent years, discussions about sexual consent have become "commonplace." In both school education and legal systems, the norm that consent should be "clear, continuous, and active" has spread. However, the stronger the norm becomes, the more the confusion in practice becomes apparent.


What makes the study introduced here interesting is that it does not portray young men as those who "disregard consent," but rather as those who wish to "do consent correctly" yet struggle to articulate it in intimate situations—a "twist" that the study carefully follows.


The research team did not present a simple conclusion. It is not a matter of ending with "confirm with words" or settling with "understand through the atmosphere." Rather, there is a structural difficulty in modern intimacy that lies between these extremes.


2) What the Study Did: Narratives from Men Aged 18-32

The study recruited 35 men aged 18-32 through advertisements at the University of Melbourne, all of whom had sexual experience, with 31 identifying as heterosexual. Through detailed interviews, the study delved into how they understand and practice consent (10 also completed a questionnaire).


The sample size is not large. The authors are cautious about generalization, noting limitations such as self-reporting, female researchers conducting the interviews, and the focus mainly on the context of ongoing relationships.

 
Nonetheless, it provides clues to advance the discussion by revealing the "mental operations" of the participants.


3) They Estimated Consent Through "Multi-Factor Authentication"

The keyword coined by the study is "multi-factor authentication." Like a metaphor for IT identity verification, participants tried to determine "there is consent" not from a single word or sign but from the accumulation of multiple cues.


Included in these cues are, for example—

  • Whether mutual reactions are "reciprocated" (not one-sided touching)

  • Whether there is a trust relationship and the partner's comfort is maintained

  • The place, timing, and atmosphere

  • Occasional "check-ins" like "Are you okay?" or "Is this not unpleasant?"
    —these are the elements considered.


Notably, they are not denying "verbal consent." They do confirm verbally when necessary. However, many narratives express that textbook "formal consent" feels like a procedural "box-checking act," leaving them unsure if the "true desire" is confirmed.


What is happening here is that consent is connected not only to the "legal-illegal boundary" but also to the more substantial issue of "relationship quality," such as "are both enjoying it?" and "is the partner not feeling awkward or fearful?"


4) "Clothing is Not a Sign of Consent" and Alcohol Increases Anxiety

Does "sexually suggestive clothing" signal consent? Against this old and persistent misconception, participants were clear. They did not interpret revealing clothing or "seductive" attire as a sign of consent.


On the other hand, there are important insights about alcohol. Being drunk was not seen as an "OK signal" but rather as a factor that weakens the certainty of consent. The more intoxicated the partner is, the less confident they feel about "true consent"—this sense is also evidence that consent education is reaching them.


Furthermore, participants cited the process of "undressing" in mutually escalating situations as more meaningful cues than "clothing." This also reflects a focus on "the flow of interaction" rather than "static symbols."


5) What They Truly Wanted Was More Than "Consent"

What is striking in the study is that many participants wanted to confirm "whether it was truly something both desired" after the act.


In other words, they cannot be satisfied with just "having obtained consent." What they seek is,

  • Enjoyable

  • Mutually desired

  • Non-judgmental

  • Connects
    —an intimacy that includes the warmth of the relationship.


This indicates that consent is the "minimum requirement." Simply adhering to the minimum is not enough—they instinctively care about whether the partner can enjoy it safely beyond that.


Reading this far, the purpose of consent education appears slightly different. It's not just about instilling rules but also about cultivating the "technique of confirming without damaging intimacy."


6) The Reality of the Gray Zone: "Hard to Articulate" Issues Hide Problems

The authors point out the reality that there is a "gray zone" between consent and non-consent. Where does "consenting despite not wanting to" separate from clear non-consensual violations? There are areas even the parties find hard to articulate.


The model taught in schools, "clearly with words," is strong as a norm but lacks "implementation procedures" for the fluidity of the field. Therefore, young men rely on physical reciprocity and contextual cues, building up a sense of "I thought it was okay."


This structure can lead to accidents even without malice. Situations where the partner "can't say no" or "tries to meet expectations" can superficially appear as if consent is established.


7) How to Bridge the Gap?—"Integrating Confirmation into Conversation"

While the study does not prescribe a solution, a direction can be inferred. The key is to integrate "confirmation" into conversation rather than making it a procedure. For example—

  • Lightly sharing boundaries or NGs before the act (without ruining the atmosphere)

  • Midway confirmations should be presented as "suggestions" or "options" rather than "interrogations" (change? rest?)

  • If the partner's reaction stops, slow down the pace before proceeding

  • If alcohol is involved, consider "stopping here for today" as an option


In short, treat consent not as a "one-time Yes" but as a "process of mutual adjustment." This mindset guides the study's "multi-factor authentication" in a healthy direction.


8) Reactions on Social Media: Sympathy, Opposition, and Laughter with "2FA Jokes"

This type of topic tends to ignite on social media. The reason is simple: sex, consent, gender, law, and personal experiences are all interconnected. Indeed, when the study's content is shared, reactions generally split into the following categories.


(1) "That's Reality" Group: Words Alone Can't Operate
The assertion that "the field gradually intensifies, and stopping to confirm each time is unnatural" is persistent. On Reddit, there are voices calling for ways to obtain consent that do not disrupt the "flow" of intimacy.


(2) "No, Confirmation is Possible" Group: Consideration is Rather Welcome
On the other hand, there are voices that say, "Being asked 'Is it okay to continue?' midway is appreciated as consideration," and "Communication creates reassurance rather than ruining the atmosphere." There are also practical opinions that suggest changing the "way of confirming" to suit the partner.


(3) "Multi-Factor Authentication" Term is Amusing: 2FA (Identity Verification) Jokes
Since the research term "multi-factor authentication" is the same as an IT term, light jokes easily arise on social media. Posts like "I sent the PIN, so enter it" or "CAPTCHA for human verification" appear, turning it into laughter. This functions not so much as mockery but as a "buffer to absorb a heavy theme."


(4) Perspective of the Parties: Gray Zone Connects to "Personal Experience"
In some threads, there are narratives like "I thought only 'typical examples' with strong violent images were sexual violence, but upon reflection, it was a gray zone incident." When such voices emerge, the discussion quickly descends from "abstract" to "life."


(5) Opposition and Caution: Shifting Towards Legal and Social Risks
When discussions about consent approach "legal responsibility," reactions become intense. Those advocating for the "need for clarification" and those who feel "it's dangerous to judge areas that can't be black-and-white by law" often clash. Since the study itself presents the "gray zone" as an issue, this point is amplified on social media.

9) Conclusion: The Next Step in "Consent Education" is Sharing "How-To"

What this study highlights is the challenge of the "next stage" after the spread of the consent principle.

  • People understand the principle that "consent is necessary."

  • However, there is a lack of specifics on "how to implement it."

  • That gap is being filled by individuals with "multi-factor authentication."
    —therefore, education and awareness need to address not just "say it," but also "how to say it," "how to confirm," "how to stop," and "how to change the atmosphere."


Consent is not the enemy of intimacy. Rather, it is a mechanism to protect intimacy.

However, to make it work as a mechanism, "conversation skills" that withstand the fluidity of the field are needed. The study shows that young men desire these skills, and there is room for society to respond to this need, offering hope.


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