Self-Care Through Taking a Break from Dating: What is the "Male Detox" Women Are Choosing? #boysober Spreading Among Gen Z

The German news magazinestern reported on the "End of Dating (Dating-Aus)." Among young women, there is a quiet spread of "#boysober," a movement to deliberately distance themselves from romance, sex, and dating apps. The spark came from American comedian Hope Woodard, whose practice of "staying away from boys for a year" resonated on social media, leading to discussions about a new way of "taking distance" focused on self-affirmation and mental health. The latest map is drawn, covering the reactions on social media, background data, and the practices involved. stern.de

1) What is happening: "Dating Abstinence" made visible in Germany

stern's article introduces this movement as a "detox from men," focusing on the changing views on romance among Generation Z and the spread of #boysober on TikTok. In Woodard's case, the aim is to refrain from dating and sex for a year, shifting the source of validation from "others' evaluations" back to "one's own axis." The article references reports from the New York Times and organizes the trend as one originating in the U.S. and spreading to Europe.stern.de

2) The "Heat" of the Hashtag: Spread on Social Media

"#boysober" has been making news since 2024 in the context of women's autonomy and self-care. Media outlets like The Week (via Yahoo!) and Hypebae report that posts with this hashtag have increased on TikTok, establishing it as a voluntary sexless movement—a "rebranding for women." Germany's WELT highlights that the hashtag has reached millions of views and introduces voices of participants citing self-understanding and mental improvement.The WeekHypebae

3) The Content of the Practice: What to "Abstain" From

According to analyses by The Daily Dot and The Guardian, the core of #boysober includes four elements: "abstaining from dating apps," "not dating," "not returning to ex-partners or 'situationships,'" and "not engaging in physical intimacy for a certain period." The goal is not so much "abstinence" but rather a self-intervention to distance oneself from app fatigue and blurred boundaries, recovering self-esteem and life rhythm.The Daily Dot

4) Background Data: Is Intimacy Among Young People Really Declining?

In the U.S., reports indicate a decline in sexual frequency among young people and a decrease in cohabitation rates and face-to-face social time. In Europe, economic anxiety, polarization of values, and mental health burdens are analyzed as factors raising the cost of intimacy. Thus, #boysober can be seen not as a "mutation" but as a self-defense aligned with long-term trends.Institute for Family Studies

5) Geopolitical Spread: In Asia Too—The Case of China

Local coverage by Australia's ABC reports that a "boy-sober-like" concept is spreading among young women in China, with a hashtag about "abstaining from men and focusing on oneself" becoming a topic of discussion on Weibo, reaching hundreds of millions. While the state promotes measures against declining birth rates, the intersection of urban feminist values and "app fatigue" mirrors the situation in the West.ABC

6) Reactions on Social Media: Sympathy, Criticism, Misunderstanding

Wave of Sympathy

• Posts expressing recovery of self-efficacy, such as "freedom from feeling 'consumed' by apps" and "being able to allocate time and money to hobbies and friendships," are prominent (summarized by People and voices from Hypebae).People.com

Criticism and Mockery

• Responses like "Isn't this just a euphemism for misandry?" and "It deepens division" are not uncommon. The Guardian's commentary points out the reality that the safety of online dating and "technology-induced violence" have been preserved, arguing that there are structural issues behind women's temporary withdrawal.The Guardian

Breeding Ground for Misunderstanding

• #boysober does not mean "eternal abstinence." For many, it is a temporary self-care strategy aimed at recovering quality relationships in the future (The Daily Dot).The Daily Dot

7) Benefits and Risks: A Calm Calculation

Benefits

• Mental readjustment (recovery of sleep, work, hobbies), reconstruction of boundaries, and cutting the fixed costs of exhausting dating activities. Recovery of self-efficacy is repeatedly mentioned in voices on social media and media case studies.DIE WELT

Risks/Blind Spots

• Long-term fixation of "relationship avoidance" (deepening isolation)

• Erosion of social skills

• Risk of distancing from sex education and reproductive health information (WHO and European surveys also point out issues with contraception and STI prevention). Even during the "distancing" period, updating knowledge is necessary.Le Monde.fr

8) Tips for Practice: Four Steps to Skillfully "Take Distance"

1. Set a Period: Start with 3 to 6 months. Designing an end makes it a "strategic rest" rather than "avoidance."

2. Clarify the Rules: Delete dating apps, stop contacting ex-partners, mute "romantic talk" timelines on social media... set according to your points of exhaustion.

3. Cultivate Alternative Intimacy: Friendships, hobbies, sports, creative activities. The "safe spaces for women" and hobby communities mentioned in the Chinese case have high versatility.ABC

4. Reentry Protocol: After the period ends, create a checklist of "values (values, boundaries, safety)" and gradually move to "meeting, talking, dating." Choose apps with safety features and reporting systems (see The Guardian for visibility of issues).The Guardian

9) "Men Can Take Distance Too"—#girlsober as a Mirror Image

stern also highlights that Woodard herself emphasizes "it's not just a women's issue." The "over-optimization" and exhaustion of romance are phenomena that transcend gender. "Girlsober" or "dating abstinence" for men can also be a step towards self-recovery using the same methods.stern.de

10) Conclusion: Abstaining as a Prelude to Reconnecting

#boysober is not a "declaration against romance" but a "pause to regain one's own pace and boundaries." The romance of Generation Z is exploring an approach of **"moderate withdrawal → designed re-engagement"** against the backdrop of app fatigue, economic anxiety, and mental burdens. Beyond the easily inflamed fragments of social media, the societal infrastructure that allows individuals to choose the necessary distance and timing (safe apps, sex education, support communities) is being questioned.Spektrum