Is Pregnancy in Your 40s "Reckless"? Egg Freezing, IVF, Partner's Age... What You Need to Know When Choosing to Have Children Later

Is Pregnancy in Your 40s "Reckless"? Egg Freezing, IVF, Partner's Age... What You Need to Know When Choosing to Have Children Later

"I want to have children someday." While thinking this, I found myself getting older as I waited for various conditions to align, such as work, housing, partnership, mental and physical preparation, and economic concerns. German media have noted that while "late childbearing (später Kinderwunsch)" has become more common in recent years, the impact of age on the "success rate" of pregnancy remains significant. The article organizes discussion points into chapters, including "How ease of pregnancy changes in the 20s, 30s, and 40s," "Age of the male partner," "Success rate of fertility treatments," "Concept of high-risk pregnancies," and "Advantages of late childbirth."


"At what age does it become difficult?"—It's more of a "slope" than a "wall"

The ease of getting pregnant doesn't suddenly drop one day; rather, it's like a gentle downhill slope that becomes steeper later on. In the field of obstetrics and gynecology, "35 years old" has long been discussed as a benchmark. In fact, many public and specialized organizations commonly warn that as age increases, pregnancy rates decrease, and the risks of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities increase.


While the clarity of this benchmark is helpful, the term "the wall at 35" can easily take on a life of its own. It's not that it becomes "suddenly impossible" after 35. However, in terms of probability, the older you get, the harder it is to achieve results in the same period of effort. For example, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) explains that at age 40, about "1 in 10" women become pregnant per menstrual cycle.
(This refers to "average probability," with the assumption that individual differences, health conditions, and frequency of intercourse can cause variations.)


The age of the male partner is not "irrelevant"

Discussions about trying to conceive often focus on the woman's age. However, the male partner's age can also affect reproductive ability, and ACOG states that "the contribution of men to pregnancy (ease of conception) also declines with age, but not as predictably as with women."

 
The backlash on social media often arises when this "asymmetry of reality" is perceived as blame. As will be discussed later, the anger over "only women being treated as having an expiration date" frequently resurfaces.


Fertility treatments (IVF, etc.) are not "almighty," but options have expanded

One factor supporting late childbirth is the advancement of reproductive medicine. The achievements of assisted reproductive technology (ART), including in vitro fertilization (IVF), accumulate annually, and the U.S. CDC publishes summaries of treatment outcomes and tools for estimating success rates.

 
However, the biggest variable here is "age (especially the age of the eggs)." NHS-related materials in the UK also explain that treatment success rates are strongly influenced by age, decreasing as age increases, and that donor eggs can improve outcomes.


This point is also prone to misunderstandings on social media. Dramas and news often highlight examples like "pregnancy in the late 40s" or "childbirth in the 50s," which, while giving hope, also create the illusion that "it's generally possible." In reality, such cases often depend on individual conditions (egg donation, number of treatments, physical condition, etc.). Confusing probability discussions with "not zero" can deeply hurt those involved due to the gap between expectations and reality.


Why the term "high-risk pregnancy" resonates

As age increases, there is a possibility of increased risks of conditions like pregnancy-induced hypertension, gestational diabetes, and preterm birth. In medical settings, these risks are classified for management, but those involved may feel as if they are being branded with "your pregnancy is dangerous" or "your choice is reckless."


What is important here is that "having a risk ≠ impossible" and "risk assessment ≠ evaluation of character." The way information is presented can turn necessary information into "threats."


Reactions on social media: Empathy and backlash occur simultaneously

The reason this topic can become contentious is that the probabilistic nature of medicine can sound like a direct judgment on life's value. On social media and forums, reactions can generally be divided as follows.


1) "I wish I had known earlier" group: Information is a "weapon," not a "fear"

On fertility forums, many posts express anxiety and urgency around the age of 35. For example, "I'm approaching 35 with my first child" or "I've been trying for several cycles without success and am starting to consider plan B."

 
This type of reaction also reflects how society doesn't openly discuss "age and pregnancy," and it's rarely systematically addressed in school education. There's a sense of regret that "if I had known earlier, I might have changed my partner choice, work style, savings, or timing of consultations."


2) "Don't rush me" group: Probability discussions turn into "pressure on women"

On the other hand, age discussions quickly link to "have children," "hurry," and "personal responsibility." On forums, there are consultations like "How about becoming a mother at 40?" or "I didn't have a partner when I was younger, now I do, but my age..." making it easy for others' values to impose.

 
What happens here is resistance not so much to the medical information itself, but to the "atmosphere wielding it." When the fact that "pregnancy probability decreases" is replaced with the morality of "it's your fault for being late," people perceive the information as an enemy.


3) "Talk about men's age too" group: Anger over unfairness

Some posts express self-deprecation about the societal "youth belief," saying things like "Our generation believed we could stay young for a long time" or "I'm telling myself that."

 
Simultaneously, there's an outburst of unfairness, questioning "Why is male aging taken lightly?" and "Even though the burden of child-rearing is skewed towards women, only women face a time limit." In fact, the impact of male aging on reproduction is noted as "not irrelevant," so the more the discussion is confined to women, the stronger the backlash becomes.


4) "It's okay because there's treatment" group vs. "Even treatment is tough" group

The existence of reproductive medicine is hopeful, but it also causes "expectation inflation." Treatment success rates are influenced by age factors, and NHS-related materials clearly state that outcomes can change with age.

 
Therefore, on social media, encouragement like "It'll be okay because there's IVF" clashes with the reality that "There are people for whom treatment didn't work." Words meant as encouragement can sound like "a criticism of lack of effort" to those involved. This is a point where outsiders should be particularly cautious.


So, what should be done?—Focus on "proper preparation" rather than "correct age"

I would like to rephrase the message received from this article (organized by stern) as follows.
Instead of focusing on "what age is correct," assume "age is a variable" and lay out options early.


Specifically, the following three points are practical.

  1. Start organizing information early
    Avoiding age-dependent factors like pregnancy probability, miscarriage rates, and treatment outcomes as "scary stories" only delays decision-making. As ACOG indicates, the natural pregnancy probability at age 40 is not high "on average." That's why understanding it allows you to design how to hold onto hope.

  2. Make "someday" with your partner more concrete
    Nothing is as precarious as "someday having children." It's not about setting a deadline, but without aligning the priorities of your life plan, only time will pass. To avoid making age impact solely a woman's responsibility, it's important to treat it as a joint project.

  3. Lower the barriers to consultations
    The longer you prolong trying to conceive "on your own," the more difficult it can become. Simply consulting early and understanding your current situation through tests can reduce unnecessary anxiety and detours. Whether or not to undergo treatment is a separate issue, but "understanding the current situation" benefits many people.

Finally: What we really want to protect in this discussion

The fact that "pregnancy becomes more difficult with age" is harsh. However, it is often our words that turn this harsh fact into a "harsh society."


For some, it's a story of ongoing effort. For others, it's a story of something no longer attainable. For others, it's a story affirming the choice not to have children.


That's why we want to use probability discussions not for "judgment" but for "preparation." Whether someone chooses late childbirth, early childbirth, or not to have children at all, what is needed is "respect" rather than "rightness."


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