Do People Fall in Love Seriously Three Times in Their Life? Why the "Three Great Loves" Theory Resonates on Social Media

"There is only one destined partner in life."

Movies, novels, and love songs have long conveyed this message to us. Meeting just one person changes everything, and you end up with them. Or even if you don't, that person becomes the unforgettable "destined one" of your life.

However, real-life romance is a bit more complicated.

There are loves that didn't work out even though you liked them.
Relationships that seemed ideal but became more painful over time.
After losing someone you thought was "the only one," you might be saved by a completely different form of love.

The German women's magazine BRIGITTE introduced the idea that "people experience three major loves in their lifetime." The article suggests that "great loves" in life may not occur just once but can appear in multiple forms.

This theory does not strictly assert that "everyone will definitely love three people." Rather, it's closer to representing the process of growth through love in three symbolic stages.

The first love is a love that believes in ideals.
The second love is a love that confronts one's weaknesses and pain.
The third love is a love that accepts calmness and reality.

This concept tends to become a hot topic on social media because many people, when reflecting on past relationships, can easily relate their experiences to it, thinking, "That love was exactly like this."

The First Love—The Love You Believed "This Is What Love Is"

The first major love is usually strongly tied to youth and ideals.

First love, high school love, college love, the first time you seriously liked someone. Even the flaws of the partner seemed special, and you could believe without any basis that "I will be with this person forever."

This stage of love has a strong brilliance.

A single reply from the partner can change your whole day.
Just making eye contact can make the world look different.
The path you walked home together, casual conversations, the moment you first held hands remain in memory for years.

However, this love does not necessarily last long. In fact, it often ends, teaching the reality that "love alone cannot sustain a relationship."

The first love not only teaches you about the partner but also "what you expected from love." Romantic ideals, the desire to be acknowledged, the wish to be chosen by someone. These emotions erupt all at once, making the first love beautiful yet fragile.

On social media, this "first love" often garners empathy. On Reddit's relationship threads, you can find experiences like "the first love seemed perfect" or "I thought it was eternal back then." On the other hand, there are voices saying, "Some people married their first love" or "It doesn't always progress in order."

In other words, the first love is not "less valuable because it is immature." Rather, because it is immature, it forms the prototype of one's view on love.

What does it mean to like someone?
How strong is the desire to see the partner?
How painful is a breakup?

The first love teaches the entrance to the emotion called love.

The Second Love—Intense, Painful, and Destructive

Among the three great loves theory, the second love tends to evoke the most intense reactions on social media.

This love is often described as "the most painful love." While strongly attracted to the partner, it often includes elements that greatly shake the heart, such as anxiety, jealousy, dependence, misunderstandings, and repeated breakups and reconciliations.

If the first love is "an ideal love," the second love is "a love that confronts the reality of oneself."

Why do I feel so anxious?
Why am I swayed by the partner's words?
Why can't I leave even when I feel unappreciated?
Why do we hurt each other even though we like each other?

This love becomes a time to know your own heart's tendencies more than knowing the partner.

Of course, there is no need to glorify painful love. Harmful relationships, controlling relationships, and relationships that drain the partner should not be justified as "for growth." The "second love" in terms of love theory should be treated as a perspective to understand "why that relationship was painful" later on, rather than praising the pain itself.

On social media, there are many cautious opinions on this point.

On Reddit, while there are voices empathizing with "the second love really shattered me," there are also calm observations like "humans tend to find patterns in random experiences" and "this theory is close to confirmation bias."

This reaction is very important because while there is solace in romantic storytelling, there is also danger.

Believing "that suffering had meaning" can help people recover. However, if you convince yourself that "because it's painful, it's true love," you might not be able to leave a dangerous relationship.

What the second love truly teaches is not to endure suffering.

What kind of treatment hurts you?
Where does love end and dependence begin?
How do you break when you conform too much to the partner?
Is it okay to continue the relationship just because of the feeling of liking?

These are the questions.

The second love may become the most unforgettable love in life. However, that doesn't necessarily mean it was "the best partner." It remains in memory because it shook deep parts of yourself.

The Third Love—An Unexpectedly Calm and Realistic Love

The third love is often described as "the last love" or "the love that was truly needed."

However, it is not necessarily a dramatic encounter. It may start so naturally that it feels anticlimactic at first.

You don't get tired being together.
Silence isn't scary.
There's no need for mind games.
You don't have to make yourself look bigger in front of the partner.

A relationship that might have felt "lacking" when you were younger can, at a certain point, feel like "this is what security is." This is the characteristic of the third love.

Those who were severely hurt in the second love may sometimes doubt a calm relationship. If there's little stimulation, they might think they don't love the partner. If the partner is stable, they might feel anxious. They're not used to emotions that don't fluctuate wildly.

However, mature love does not necessarily keep raising the heart rate.

The partner's presence blends into daily life.
You can solve problems together.
Even with differences, you can discuss them.
You can see an imperfect partner as a real human being.

The third love is not the ideal's perfect form but rather "a love that can compromise with reality."

On social media, many people find hope in this third love. You can see voices like "I've experienced the first and second; I'm waiting for the third" or "I want to choose a calm relationship next."

On the other hand, there are opinions like "Isn't it dangerous to think the third love will definitely come?" Indeed, if you think of love as the goal of life too much, you might feel that the time you are alone now is "unfinished."

The true value of this theory is not in promising "you will end up with someone in the end."

Rather, it's in the idea that "the lessons learned from past loves will be useful in future relationships."

The third love is not necessarily a romantic partner.
Nor is it necessarily a spouse.
In some cases, it might be about reconnecting with yourself.

Regaining the confidence lost in past loves and deciding not to treat yourself poorly is also a form of mature love.

Is It a Scientific Theory or a "Story" of Love?

Here, there's a point to be cautious about.

The story of "experiencing three great loves in life" is a catchy theory that easily spreads on social media and love media. However, it should be treated cautiously as a scientific law that applies directly to everyone.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher, well-known for her research on love, discusses three elements of the brain system involved in human love: lust, romantic attraction, and long-term attachment. This does not mean "everyone will definitely love three people" but is closer to the idea that love has different psychological and biological aspects.

In other words, the "three great loves theory" spreading in media and social media and the research-based "three love systems" overlap in parts but are not the same.

Understanding this difference makes the discussion healthier.

Some people may experience the three stages of ideal, conflict, and stability within a relationship with one partner.
Others may experience deep love multiple times, far more than three.
Yet others may find the great love of their life in friendship, family, work, creativity, or beliefs rather than romance.

In social media discussions, there are opinions like "it's more fitting to think of the three loves as three types of love rather than three partners." Also, voices such as "I haven't had a serious love yet" or "Doesn't this theory exclude asexual people?" can be seen.

These reactions bring the theory closer to reality.

Love is not determined by majority vote.
A story that fits someone's experience may not resonate at all with someone else.

Therefore, it's best to use this theory not as a "diagnosis" but as a "tool for reflection."

Reasons for the Widespread Empathy on Social Media

 

So, why does the "three great loves theory" repeatedly become a topic on social media?

One reason is that it gives "meaning" to past loves.

Right after a breakup, people often blame themselves.

Why did I fall for such a person?
Why couldn't I leave sooner?
Why did I think it would work out?
Was that time wasted?

However, by seeing it as "that was the second love" or "a love to help me grow," you can somewhat organize the pain.

Of course, there's no need to forcibly turn painful experiences into beautiful stories. Still, humans are creatures who want to understand their lives as stories. If you can think, "Because of that experience, I now know what I want to value," then that story has power.

Another reason is that it makes people think "there's a next time."

Even if you lose your first love, life doesn't end.
Even if you experience a painful love, it doesn't have to be the last love.
Even if you feel like your heart is broken, you might be able to choose a calm relationship someday.

This hope resonates with many people.

Especially on social media after a breakup, you can see posts like "I just ended my second love and it's painful" or "Will the third love really come?" There is a wish for something beyond the pain, rather than a desire to believe the theory.

Love theories sometimes resemble fortune-telling. Even if not scientifically perfect, they can become words that support people's hearts. Therefore, it's best to accept them within the range that helps your recovery, without believing too much or completely dismissing them.

Some People Don't Fit the "Three Loves"

When discussing this theory, it's important not to forget those who don't fit it.

Some people have lived happily ever after with their first love.
Some have fallen in love seriously many times, learning different lessons each time.
Some people don't feel much romantic attraction.
Some prioritize friendship, family, work, hobbies, or their own life over romance.

The phrase "three great loves" is appealing, but it should not become something that binds people's lives.

For instance, someone who hasn't experienced love yet doesn't need to feel "lacking in experience." Someone hurt in the second love doesn't need to forcefully accept it as "a necessary trial." There's no need to treat the current life as temporary while waiting for the third love.

The number of loves doesn't determine a person's worth.

What matters is not how many people you loved, but how you loved and how you learned to protect yourself.

That Love Might Have Been a "Passing Point," Not a Failure

To take the three great loves theory most positively, you could say this.

Love is a journey to find a partner and a journey to know yourself.

In the first love, we learn about ideals.
In the second love, we learn how to get hurt.
In the third love, we learn to choose security.

Of course, the order differs for each person. Some don't fit into just three. Some experience everything within a relationship with one partner.

Still, this idea resonates with many because it suggests you don't have to deny past loves.

Even loves that didn't work out leave meaning.
Even without glorifying a former partner, lessons remain.
Without blaming yourself for being hurt, the criteria for your next choice are growing.

The "destined one" may not appear in a completed form from the start. Perhaps, through past loves, you