"Those who were raised strictly tend to 'blame themselves' with a gentle face" — Eight Habits That Remain in Adulthood

"Raised Strictly"—It Doesn't End as a "Thing of the Past"

"My upbringing was strict, but I turned out fine."
Those who can say this with confidence may find themselves suddenly gripped by "unexplained tension." They get more upset than necessary by a boss's comment, feel anxious just because their partner is slow to respond to a message, or can't accept compliments straightforwardly and instead look for the next challenge.

The influence of a strict household tends to remain not as a dramatic trauma but as a reaction speed in daily life. What children learn is not to "express themselves" but to find the "optimal solution that won't get them scolded." And even as adults, they continue to search for that optimal solution.

Related articles explain that children raised under strict upbringing learn early to "adapt," "meet expectations," and "avoid mistakes," which can lead to self-doubt, self-questioning, and a thirst for approval.HNA

What Does "Strict Upbringing" Mean in the First Place?

The "strictness" referred to here is not simply about having rules. The key points are **"the strength of control" and "the lack of warmth."**

• Many Rules

• Failure Is Not Tolerated / Strong Punishment or Reprimand

• Results (grades, behavior) Are Prioritized Over Feelings

• More Criticism Than Praise

• The Parent's Mood Determines the Household Atmosphere

The article also mentions that strictness can manifest not only as "strong confrontation" but also as **over-interference and overprotection (excessive control)**, like "bulldozer parents" who remove obstacles in advance.Mannheim24

Eight Traits That May Emerge in Adulthood

The related article lists the following eight traits as likely effects of strict upbringing.Mannheim24

1. Proneness to Depression / Depressive Tendencies (Niedergeschlagenheit oder Depression)

2. Need for Approval (Bedürfnis nach Anerkennung)

3. Fear of Failure and Decision-Making (Angst vor Fehlern und Entscheidungen)

4. Unstable Self-Esteem (Instabiles Selbstwertgefühl)

5. Difficulty with Intimacy and Boundaries (Schwierigkeiten mit Nähe und Intimität)

6. Difficulty with Honest Communication (Probleme mit ehrlicher Kommunikation)

7. Over-Adaptation or Rebellion (Anpassung oder Rebellion)

8. Weak Emotional Self-Regulation (Geringe emotionale Selbstregulation)

What's important here is that these are not "character flaws" but **"strategies" acquired to adapt to the environment at the time.**

For example, "fear of failure" was rational because failure in childhood equaled being scolded or unloved.
"Not being able to speak honestly" was rational because being honest led to denial or a bad atmosphere at home.
In other words, even when the environment changes in adulthood, the mind and body still react according to "old rules."

"Psychologically, the Risk Increases"

The related article references research from the University of Cambridge and University College Dublin, introducing that strict upbringing can increase the risk of psychological problems in children by about 1.5 times.Mannheim24

Of course, since multiple factors such as family environment, economic status, health, and school factors are involved, "strictness = inevitable problems" is not the case. However, if "warm relationships" are lacking while control and evaluation are strong, it becomes difficult for a child's heart to create a "safe base."

Why Does It Lead to "Need for Approval" and "Difficulty with Intimacy"?

In strict households, love tends to be "conditional."
"Praise if you get good grades," "acknowledge if you listen." Conversely, without meeting conditions, there is no acknowledgment.

This experience casts a shadow on adult relationships as well.

• Overly accommodating to avoid being disliked by a partner

• But on the other hand, suddenly distancing oneself when feeling controlled

• Seeking "perfection" at work and burning out

• And then pushing oneself with "I have no value unless I try harder"

The related article also organizes that people who find intimacy difficult tend to oscillate between "distancing" and "over-adapting."Mannheim24

Reactions on Social Media (Tendencies): "Resonates," "Parents Were Desperate Too," "Strictness Is Necessary" Debate

※The following SNS section is not a quote from specific posts but a **"reconstructed pattern"** of likely reactions when this article theme spreads on social media.

1) Empathy from Those Affected: "It Makes Sense Now"

• "I finally understand the root of my 'fear of failure.' It wasn't diligence but fear-based."

• "This is why I can't feel secure even when praised..."

2) Rebuttals and Excuses from the Parent Generation: "Times Were Different"

• "In the past, it was often dangerous not to be strict."

• "It wasn't a lack of love, there was just no room for it."

3) Caution Against "Strictness = Bad": "Don't Confuse It with Pampering"

• "Rules and boundaries are necessary. The problem is 'coldness' and 'control,' isn't it?"

• "It's not 'don't scold,' but 'don't deny the person.'"

4) The Topic of Over-Interference: "I Get the Bulldozer Parent Thing"

• "When everything is done in advance, it becomes scary instead."

• "Kids who can't fail get stuck as adults."

These reactions intersect because strict upbringing is a theme that easily turns into "villain hunting." But what is truly necessary is not to condemn parents but to become aware of and update the old rules within oneself.

So, How Can We Unravel the "Influence"?

The related article states that these traits are "not a life sentence" and that self-understanding, dialogue, and professional support if necessary can help.Mannheim24
Here, we break down specific strategies into manageable forms for daily life.

1) Don't Blame the "Fear": The Reaction Is a Result of Learning

First, don't scold yourself with "I failed again" for reflexive anxiety or shrinking.
It is a reaction that "the former you" acquired to protect yourself.

2) Create Boundaries "Small"

You don't need to express all your true feelings at once.

• Practice saying no, starting with "I might not be able to today."

• Practice expressing opinions, starting with "I felt this way."
  Small successes will overwrite the belief that "it's okay to say it."

3) Shift Approval from External to Internal

External evaluations fluctuate. That's why,

• keep a record of what you accomplished

• Treat "things you stopped doing" (stopped overextending, said no) as achievements
  This "self-approval workout" is effective.

4) Seek Professional Help If Necessary

If issues like sleep, appetite, suicidal thoughts, or ongoing breakdowns in relationships arise, consider support from psychological or medical professionals. "Getting through with willpower" resembles the strategies learned in strict households.

Conclusion: "Children from Strict Homes" Can Rewrite Their Story Now

The effects of strict upbringing often manifest as traits like proneness to depression, need for approval, fear of failure, and difficulty with boundaries.Mannheim24
But this is not because "you are weak," but because it was "an optimization for survival in the environment at the time."

Now that you are an adult, the environment has changed.
So it's okay to change the rules too.
Instead of blaming "the self accustomed to strictness," let's teach ourselves "new safety."