The Pain of Being Laughed at for Being a "Man" ─ Is Domestic Violence Only a Women's Issue? Why Speaking About Male Victims Can Save All Victims

"If you're a man, endure it," "Pathetic," "The victim must be a woman, right?"

Such words become "invisible handcuffs" that silence male victims.
The "MENCALLHELP2" project conducted by Trinity College Dublin in Ireland visualized this reality through numbers and testimonies.Phys.org

7,132 Voices Received by Ireland's Male DV Hotline

The research team analyzed 7,132 inquiry data received in 2022 by "Men's Aid Ireland," an organization supporting men. Of these, 1,232 cases reported actual domestic violence (DVA) victimization. It was reported that 93.1% of the perpetrators were female partners, and 85% of the male victims experienced multiple types of violence.Phys.org

The most common forms were "emotional abuse (86.1%)" and "psychological abuse (69.3%)," types of "invisible violence" that precede physical acts like hitting or kicking. This was followed by "physical abuse (36.9%)," "control (30%)," "parental alienation (26.3%)," and "economic abuse (20.3%)," all of which eroded the lives and minds of men in various ways.Phys.org

The study also analyzed approximately 2,200 detailed notes from emails, call records, and face-to-face meetings, revealing that the issues male victims face are intricately intertwined with housing, children, legal troubles, and mental health.Phys.org

Cultural Bias of "Men's Weakness is a Joke"

Associate Professor Melanisa Corbally, who led the research, points out,
"In patriarchal societies, men's weaknesses are often ridiculed. This makes it extremely difficult for abused men to seek help."Phys.org

Politicians and representatives of support organizations also comment that "male DV victimization is 'invisible,' and the fear of shame and ridicule forces silence."Phys.org

In other words, outdated gender norms like "men should be strong" and "crying is pathetic" are pressuring men as much as the violence itself.

Japanese Data Showing "Silent Male Victims"

This issue is not exclusive to Ireland. According to a survey by the Japanese government, "Among those who have been married, 27.5% of women and 22.0% of men have experienced violence from their spouse."Gender Equality Bureau

However, among those who have been victimized, 44.2% have not consulted anyone. When viewed by gender, 36.3% of women compared to 57.2% of men have remained silent, indicating that men are more likely to stay silent.Cabinet Office

Additionally, recent reports highlight that the number of DV consultations from men in Japan has increased approximately 170 times over the past 20 years and 1.5 times in the last five years.JAPAN Forward

It may be more accurate to say that it is not the "victimization" itself that is increasing, but rather that more people are finally beginning to speak out.

Three Reaction Patterns Seen on Social Media

When male victimization or research like this is reported, three general reaction patterns can be observed on social media (summarized here as typical discourse patterns rather than actual posts).

1. Voices of Empathy and Support

The most noticeable are voices that empathize with male victims.

• "Men can be victims too. Support should be available regardless of gender."

• "I was also emotionally broken by a former partner's harassment. The atmosphere of 'don't complain because you're a man' was the hardest part."

It's not uncommon for men who have had similar experiences, or those identifying as their family or friends, to react with "Finally, someone said it," or "I wish this research had come sooner."

2. Concerns About "Relativizing Female Victimization"

On the other hand, such opinions also persist strongly.

• "Male victimization is important, but we must not blur the reality that violence against women is overwhelmingly more prevalent."

• "I'm worried that with limited budgets and support resources, support for women might be further reduced."

In other words, there is anxiety about perceiving "visualizing male victimization" and "supporting female victimization" as opposing structures. If the discussion on gender violence becomes a "zero-sum game," it could lead to a situation where only the perpetrators benefit, as the parties involved end up opposing each other.

3. Turning It into a Joke, Cynicism, and Backlash

The most troublesome are posts that make "male victimization" a laughing matter or backlash by claiming "reverse discrimination."

• "How pathetic must a man be to get DV'd, lol."

• "Isn't it just a setup of 'I'm a kind guy who won't hit back at women'?"

Such words further solidify the silence of victims.
As long as the culture of laughing at "weakness" remains, it will continue to create "silent victims" regardless of gender.

Talking About Male Victimization Increases "Escape Routes" for Someone

The research from Ireland conveys a message beyond mere statistics.
It is that "talking about male victimization does not mean belittling female victimization."

Rather, by focusing on the essence of violence—acts of controlling and stripping dignity from others—a societal design emerges where victims, regardless of gender, can more easily seek help. The research team proposes establishing comparable definitions of DVA for both genders and creating systems that assign IDs to anonymous inquirers to connect them to continuous support.Phys.org

This perspective is applicable in Japan as well.
The fact that 57.2% of men who answered "I have experienced violence from a spouse" have not consulted anyone indicates the existence of a "cultural wall" that cannot be solved by merely increasing consultation desks.Gender Equality Bureau

Three Small Practices We Can Do in the Age of Social Media

Finally, let's narrow down what each of us can do online/offline to three simple practices.

1. Let Go of Phrases Like "For a Man" or "For a Woman"
   Just one word can be the decisive blow that silences a victim.

2. When Hearing a Victim's Story, Prioritize "Safety Assurance" Over Gender
   Before judging the truth with "Really?" or "It's mutual, isn't it?" first ensure safety and provide information.

3. When You See Cynical Posts on Social Media, Neither Like Nor Share
   Ignoring or politely expressing disagreement are also commendable actions.

The culture of ridiculing men's weaknesses will eventually be directed at the weaknesses of women, children, and minorities.
Instead of competing over "who is hurt more," we should question whether we are moving towards a society where "no one gets hurt"—this is the homework that the research and social media discussions are presenting to us.