Connected by conditions, separated by emotions: Unfulfilled despite choices — Dating apps and the "loss of romance"

"The Pitfalls of Online Dating: Where Has the Romance Gone?"—The Age's article title strikingly captures the current atmosphere of meeting people.

It's been a while since apps became a staple for meeting people. It's no longer unusual, and stories of meeting a partner through an app have become quite common. According to a survey by the Pew Research Center, 30% of American adults have used online dating, with the percentage even higher among younger people. The fact that apps hold a certain presence as a way to meet partners is no longer a special story.

Yet, many people still feel that "even though it's become more convenient, romance isn't as enjoyable as it used to be." Why is that? The answer isn't simple, but at least one thing can be said: online dating has made romance both an "extension of meeting" and a "compression of emotions."

Originally, romance had its inefficiencies. There were coincidences, unexpected silences, expressions that differed from expectations, awkward word choices, and temperature differences that could only be understood in person. It was within the accumulation of these indescribable elements that excitement and intimacy were born. However, apps present a plethora of "criteria" such as age, occupation, hobbies, height, values, residence, and photo impressions before even entering that stage. We have become too accustomed to selecting people before getting to know them.

Of course, this in itself isn't bad. It's natural to want to avoid danger, not waste time, and meet someone who is somewhat compatible. In fact, in a 2026 survey of online dating users, the most common primary purpose was "to find an exclusive romantic partner," showing that the image of it being just for fun is out of touch with reality. Moreover, elements such as family views and political views are highly valued, indicating a strong tendency to seek partners with similar life views. In other words, many people are serious from the start, and it's because they are serious that they look at conditions.

However, when this seriousness is tied to the system, romance often resembles an "evaluation." Profiles become like resumes, conversations like interviews, and first dates become optimized confirmation tasks. Photo selection, response speed, emoji warmth, choice of venue, and meeting tempo—all become subjects of evaluation, with even slight discomfort leading to an immediate "no" decision. The more options there are, the more rational it becomes to move on rather than look deeply at one person.

The result has been the spread of so-called swipe fatigue. Recent reports and user voices repeatedly mention terms like app fatigue, conversation fatigue, and comparison fatigue. This change in atmosphere is also reflected in the performance and strategies of major companies. For example, Bumble announced a decline in paid users in 2025, and user attrition and usage fatigue have become unavoidable themes across the industry. The Guardian also highlighted in 2025 the voices of users logging off due to a "lack of actual human connection."

Looking at reactions on social media, this discomfort is quite common. Public posts and forums prominently feature reactions such as "apps have become an endless evaluation process rather than a place to meet," "it's exhausting before even meeting," and "it's tough to keep repeating the same self-introduction when conversations don't continue." On Reddit, users who have been using apps for a while are advised to "take a complete break because it's exhausting" or "focus on the matches you already have." In another post, there are complaints about the decline in profile quality and the ease with which conversations die, indicating fatigue with the design itself rather than just a lack of encounters.

Interestingly, in response to this fatigue, apps have finally started to take countermeasures. Tinder's 2025 trend report emphasizes "clarity over ambiguity" and "honesty of emotions over gamesmanship" as the romantic trends for 2026. It suggests that showing intentions and values clearly from the start is more supported than "confusing romance." At first glance, this seems like a healthy evolution. However, it also proves that ambiguity and noise have increased to the point where people are exhausted.

In other words, what is needed now is not "more encounters" but "encounters that don't exhaust, even if fewer."

The moment we feel romance is lost doesn't refer to the absence of grand gestures. It's not about the lack of bouquets or the reduction in long messages. The essence lies in the loss of space to slowly discover the other person as a human being. Conditions and expectations are made clear from the start, judgments progress before meeting, and after meeting, the next candidate immediately comes into view. In such a situation, it's difficult to be surprised by the other person or enjoy the process of being drawn to them.

Once, romance thrived in inefficiency. The time spent waiting for the other person to contact you, the anxiety of not knowing when you'd meet again, the small luck of coincidentally being in the same place. Now, we have succeeded in reducing such uncertainties. But at the same time, we may have cut off the excitement that uncertainty brought.

Of course, we shouldn't overly romanticize past encounters. Real-life meetings also had inequalities and dangers, and many people have been saved by apps. For those living in rural areas, busy professionals, sexual minorities, and people who find it hard to meet others in their living areas, online remains an important infrastructure. Pew's research also shows high usage rates among LGB individuals, confirming that online has significantly expanded the options for meeting people. The problem isn't the existence of apps, but rather that our sense of romance is too influenced by their design philosophy.

What is this design philosophy? Simply put, it's the platform's logic of "keeping users looking as long as possible," "encouraging as much comparison as possible," and "getting users to open the app again." In this context, it's more convenient for the next candidate to remain intriguing than for users to deeply commit to one person. On social media, there are posts pointing out that swipe-based services don't equate "facilitating encounters" with "ensuring continued use." It's a somewhat harsh but accurate observation. If users find a partner and leave, the service loses continued usage.

Within this contradiction, users bear a double exhaustion. One is the exhaustion of being chosen. It's the fatigue of being evaluated based on a single profile picture, a short self-introduction, or a few exchanges. The other is the exhaustion of choosing. Faced with too many candidates, it's difficult to focus on one person, and there's always the fatigue of thinking, "Isn't there someone better?" The former erodes self-esteem, while the latter erodes immersion. Neither is compatible with romance.

In fact, a survey introduced by Forbes Health reports that a fairly high percentage of Gen Z experiences dating app burnout. In Australia, reports highlight figures showing that many users feel burned out by swiping. While the details of the numbers vary depending on the research body, the broad trend that "those who are tired are not a minority" is quite consistent.

So, is there a way to reclaim romance?

One way might be to reconsider romance not as "selection" but as "editing." Instead of looking for someone who perfectly matches your conditions, see if you can nurture a relationship through conversation and time. For example, don't increase candidates too much at the initial stage, and don't expand parallel interactions unnecessarily. Instead of dragging out message exchanges, decide at some point whether to meet or stop if it doesn't work out. Measure the person not by function or specs, but by "how your emotions move when you're with them." It sounds obvious when put into words, but it's an easy perspective to forget when looking at an app screen.

Another way might be to leave a circuit for romance outside of apps. Introductions by friends, hobby gatherings, events, communities. There's no need to completely deny apps, but if you entrust all encounters to one UI, even the way you feel about romance will be dictated by that UI. In fact, as a reaction to usage fatigue, there's a reported trend of returning to offline events and face-to-face encounters. People are emotionally influenced by "how they meet" itself. If the entrance to romance has a human touch, warmth is more likely to be present in the subsequent relationship.

There is no simple answer to the question "Where has the romance gone?" posed by The Age article. I think romance hasn't disappeared; it's just become harder to see. Efficiency, conditions, optimization, comparison, self-defense. These elements necessary for modern encounters have increased too much, leaving little room for emotions to enter. And we become tired before falling in love.

However, this isn't a hopeless story. The fact that what users are seeking now isn't more blatant staging or higher matching accuracy, but rather "not being swayed by ambiguity," "being treated properly as a person," and "having even a slight emotional movement" actually holds the potential for recovery. There is a clear desire in today's romantic market to regain sincere warmth, not grand romanticism.

Perhaps what we've lost isn't romance itself, but the "space" before entering romance. Not making immediate judgments. Waiting just a little. Not reading the other person through templates. Precisely because we live in an era wrapped in convenience, romance might reappear once we reclaim a bit of that inconvenience.

List of Source URLs

1. The Age (The original theme article that inspired this piece, referencing the issue of "absence of romance" in online dating)
   https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/pitfalls-of-online-dating-wheres-the-romance-20260309-p5o8qj.html

2. SSRS "The Public and Online Dating 2026" (Survey data on purposes of use, apps used, values emphasized as of 2026)
   https://ssrs.com/insights/online-dating-2026/

3. Pew Research Center "The experiences of U.S. online daters" (Basic data on online dating experiences, harassment, safety, and usage)
   https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/the-experiences-of-u-s-online-daters/

4. Pew Research Center "From Looking for Love to Swiping the Field: Online Dating in the U.S." (Supplementary material organizing overall trends in online dating)
   https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/from-looking-for-love-to-swiping-the-field-online-dating-in-the-u-s/

5. AP News "Looking for love online? New study shows mixed experiences" (News article reporting key points of Pew's survey)
   https://apnews.com/article/27e84e1e14fbe092cb9ff69e41a47ffc

6. Tinder Pressroom "TINDER'S YEAR IN SWIPE 2025" (Official document highlighting clarity and emotional honesty as romantic trends for 2026)
   https://www.tinderpressroom.com/2025-12-03-TINDERS-YEAR-IN-SWIPE-TM-2025

7. Bumble IR "Bumble Inc. Announces Third Quarter 2025 Results" (Corporate disclosure showing industry usage trends like the decline in paid users)
   https://ir.bumble.com/news/news-details/2025/Bumble-Inc--Announces-Third-Quarter-2025-Results/default.aspx

8. Bumble IR "Bumble Inc. Announces Second Quarter 2025 Results" (Supplementary reference for paid user trends)
   https://ir.bumble.com/news/news-details/2025/Bumble-Inc--Announces-Second-Quarter-2025-Results/default.aspx

9. The Guardian "Dating apps face a reckoning as users log off: 'There's no actual human connection'" (Report on app fatigue and "lack of human connection")
   https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/apr/27/dating-apps-user-decline

10. Forbes Health "Survey: 78% Of Gen Z Report Dating App Burnout" (Survey introduction on dating app fatigue among younger generations)
    https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/

11. The Guardian Australia "Grindr tests AI match-making in Australia amid dating app fatigue and safety concerns" (Context of fatigue, safety, and AI introduction in Australia)
    https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2026/feb/23/grindr-edge-ai-subscription

12. Reddit / r/Adulting "I've been using dating apps for a while and honestly I feel..." (Example of reactions to "app fatigue" on public forums)
    https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/comments/1q4qyrw/ive_been_using_dating_apps_for_a_while_and/

13. Reddit / r/OkCupid "Anyone else feeling completely overwhelmed by too many..." (Example of reactions to fatigue from too many choices)
    https://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/1fdintn/anyone_else_feeling_completely_overwhelmed_by_too/

14. Reddit / r/GuyCry "Online dating is wasting my time..." (Example of reactions to conversation fatigue and dissatisfaction with profile quality)
    https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/comments/1qjzpxd/online_dating_is_wasting_my_time_how_tf_do_i/

15. Reddit / r/AskWomenOver40 "How do you cope with dating app burnout?" (Example of reactions to coping with burnout)
    https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver40/comments/1hi4s0