Towards an Era Where Having Zero "Mom Friends" Becomes the Norm: From 6% to Nearly Half in 20 Years, the Reasons Behind It and Why "Being Alone Isn't Bad"

1. "Zero Mom Friends" Becomes the Norm Over 20 Years

In Japan, there used to be a strong expectation that "having mom friends is a given once you become a mom." Park debuts, kindergarten drop-offs and pick-ups, PTA, and daycare events...
However, recent data shows that this common belief is changing significantly.

• 2003: Among mothers with children aged zero to six, only 6.2% had no mom friends.DLRI

• 2022: According to a survey by the same institute, 45% of mothers had no mom friends. Another survey found that 56% of parents with children in elementary school or younger reported having no mom or dad friends.Sukusuku+1

In other words, over about 20 years, having "zero mom friends" has shifted from being a "minority exception" to "an option for nearly half."

Professor Etsuko Togo of Tokyo Future University, interviewed by Asahi Shimbun, also points out, "Many people struggle with relationships with mom friends. Nowadays, more mothers have communities outside of their children, such as at work or in hobbies." Not having mom friends is no longer "isolation" but rather an aspect of lifestyle diversification.Hatena Bookmark

2. Understanding the Rapid Increase in "Zero Mom Friends" Through Data

2-1. Survey Results from Dai-ichi Life Research Institute

The report "Do We No Longer Need Mom Friends?" by Dai-ichi Life Research Institute compares surveys from 2003 and 2022, analyzing changes in the environment surrounding mom friends in detail.DLRI+1

The main points are as follows:

• 2003 Survey of Mothers

  • Mothers with no mom friends (0 people): 6.2%

  • Average number of mom friends: 9.2 people
    → An era where "having mom friends is the norm."
    
    

• 2022 Survey of Dad and Mom Friends

  • Mothers with no mom friends: 45%

  • Parents (combined fathers and mothers) with no mom or dad friends: 56%
    → "Zero mom friends" becomes a "choice close to the majority."Sukusuku+1

Furthermore, in the 2022 survey, when asked, "Is associating with mom or dad friends necessary for you?"

• About 65% of those with mom friends answered "necessary."

• About 87% of those without mom friends answered "not necessary."

This also shows a clear divide in values.J-CAST News

2-2. Social Factors Behind the Increase in "Zero Mom Friends"

Why has the number of zero mom friends increased so much in such a short period? Looking at previous research and reports, it becomes clear that several factors overlap.

1. Increase in Dual-Income Households and Lack of Time

   • Dual-income households have become mainstream, with divided and shift-based drop-offs and pick-ups.

   • The time for casual chats or lunches between moms during weekdays has physically disappeared.
     
     

2. Diversification of Childcare Communities

   • Places to connect "without children," such as work, hobby circles, and online communities, have increased.

   • It has become possible to have connections with other adults without relying on "friends through children (mom friends)."Hatena Bookmark+1
     
     

3. Decrease in Face-to-Face Interactions Due to the COVID-19 Pandemic

   • Parent meetings and PTA activities have become online or reduced, decreasing opportunities to "meet face-to-face and become friends."

   • In many cases, interactions have not returned to the previous level of closeness.
     
     

4. Spread of Social Empathy for "Mom Friend Fatigue"

   • Mom friend troubles and LINE group fatigue are repeatedly covered by SNS and media.

   • The message "You don't have to force yourself to socialize" has spread, making it easier to choose to keep a distance.
     
     

5. Expansion of Regional Childcare Support Services

   • Public support windows, such as childcare support centers, temporary custody, and family support, have increased.J-STAGE

   • The path to access systems instead of relying on mom friends when in trouble has become visible.

These overlapping social changes have certainly weakened the constraint that "you can't raise children without making an effort to have mom friends."

3. Reasons Why Moms Feel "I Don't Need Mom Friends"

So why do moms feel that "mom friends are unnecessary"? When organizing surveys, articles, and voices from moms, the following main reasons emerge.

3-1. Wanting to Distance Themselves from Comparisons and One-Upmanship

• School choices, extracurricular activities, grades, household finances... the focus inevitably centers on "children and family."

• Unintentionally comparing or feeling that "our family is our family" becomes shaken.

• Many feel it's easier to keep a distance from the start than to receive unwanted information.

Especially in today's world, where disparities in education, income, and residential areas are more visible, the "vague sense of disparity" among mom friends tends to be a source of stress.Hatena Bookmark+1

3-2. LINE Group Fatigue and Information Overload

• In parent LINE groups, endless stickers and chats continue alongside announcements.

• Pressure from "I haven't replied even though I've read it" or "Will they think poorly of me if I leave it on read?"

• The sheer volume of information can lead to increased anxiety rather than reassurance.

Voices expressing fatigue from SNS, compounded by the addition of parent groups, are repeatedly noted in various surveys and interviews.wellbeing100.jp+1

3-3. Large Differences in Values Leading to Excessive Caution

Mom friends are a gathering of people with varied ages and backgrounds. Professor Togo also points out, "Unlike friends from school or work, mom friends often have significantly different values and lifestyles."Hatena Bookmark

• Delicate topics like vaccines, medical care, and educational policies often come up.

• You always have to gauge how far you can go in conversations.

• Even if you feel "we don't quite match," it's not easy to distance yourself if the children are close friends.

To avoid such "mental fatigue," more mothers are refraining from deep relationships from the start.

4. Is There Still Value in Having Mom Friends? Positive Aspects

While voices saying "I don't need mom friends" are prominent, there are indeed positive aspects to having mom friends.

In another report by Dai-ichi Life, over 60% of those with mom friends answered that "mom friends are necessary," citing the following reasons.wellbeing100.jp

4-1. A "Safety Net" in Times of Need

• When I suddenly had to be hospitalized due to labor pains, I left my older child with a mom friend.

• When I was hospitalized due to illness, a mom friend took over picking up my child from daycare for a week after I was discharged.

• ##