Diaper Changing as an Opportunity to Foster the Power to Say "No" ―― A Guide to Teaching "Consent" Starting from Infancy

1. Why Teach Consent Through "Diaper Changing"

In recent years, "when and how to teach children about sex education and consent" has become a global theme. In Japan, sex education for elementary and junior high school students is gaining attention, but overseas researchers emphasize, "There is no need to wait for puberty. Rather, it should start much earlier."Phys.org

In this article published on Phys.org, it is suggested that through "everyday caregiving moments" such as diaper changing, dressing, and bathing, the following can be taught:Phys.org+1

• The importance of one's body and the right not to be touched without consent

• What kind of touch is "normal" and that it's okay to say "no" when something feels wrong

• That it is normal for adults to respect children's feelings and signals

These are all important foundations not only for "consent" in relationships and sexuality after puberty but also for everyday human relationships and safety.

2. What is "Consent"? How Does It Relate to Babies?

"Consent" used among adults refers to "saying 'OK' based on understanding the situation and one's own will."

So, does consent relate to babies who cannot yet speak?

Researchers point out that "babies also clearly show feelings like dislike, joy, and anxiety through facial expressions and gestures."Phys.org

• Smiling, sparkling eyes → Feeling comfortable and secure

• Arching the body, turning away, pushing back with hands → Dislike, fear, discomfort

• Freezing, becoming silent → Possibly feeling anxious or cautious

For parents and caregivers, "reading" these signs and respecting them as much as possible is the start of learning the baby version of "consent."

3. Why is Not Rushing Diaper Changes Important?

3-1. The Pitfall of "Just Wanting to Get It Over With Quickly"

There are many situations, such as busy mornings or while out, where you feel "I need to change it quickly!" However, the article warns that if diaper changing is treated as just a "task," you miss opportunities like the following:Phys.org

• A chance for the child to understand what is happening to their body

• Time to mentally prepare for being touched

• Experience expressing their feelings and having adults listen

Of course, it's not realistic to always do it slowly and carefully. The article humorously mentions, "There are mornings when you're about to be late or those 'tragic poop explosions' that need to be dealt with quickly." The important thing is not to aim for "perfection every time" but to have the mindset of "doing what you can when you can."Phys.org

3-2. The Flow of Diaper Changing that Respects the Child's Pace

Based on the article's content, let's imagine a flow that fits Japanese parenting.Phys.org+1

1. First, communicate the situation

   • "Your diaper is wet. Let's change it soon."

   • "It feels a bit uncomfortable, doesn't it? Let's clean it up."
     
     

2. Let them choose how to move (if they are old enough)

   • "Can you walk to the changing area yourself? Or do you want to be carried?"

   • "Do you want to change here? Or on the mat over there?"
     
     

3. Observe facial expressions and body movements

   • Reaching out with a smile → Interested

   • Frowning, stiffening the body → Might be anxious or dislike it

   • Arching back, twisting the body → Strong resistance
     
     

4. Add words to the child's reactions

   • "Are you feeling a bit uncomfortable? Is it cold?"

   • "Let's finish quickly. We'll hug once we're done."

By reinterpreting diaper changing as a "conversation" rather than just a task, babies are more likely to feel "I am being treated as an individual."

4. "Not Distracting" is Also Part of Consent Education

In Japan, during diaper changing,

• distracting with toys or smartphone videos

• singing songs to divert attention

are common practices. While these can be helpful when a child is crying continuously, the article's authors advise against "distracting" every time.Phys.org

The reason is simple.

Because children should properly recognize that "someone is touching their most private parts."Phys.org

・What is being done
・How they are being touched
・Whether it is "normal caregiving"

Understanding these helps them recognize when something feels wrong in the future and develop the ability to sense "something's different."

Therefore,

• try to talk to the child while making eye contact during diaper changing

• saying things like "I'm going to wipe your bottom now" or "Next, I'll put on a new diaper"

such "live commentary style" interactions are recommended.Phys.org

5. The Significance of Using Correct Body Names

The article also emphasizes the importance of using "correct body names" during diaper changing and bathing.Phys.org+1

For example:

• ○: Penis, vulva, anus

• ×: Using only terms like "wee-wee," "private parts," "here," or "weird place"

While parents may feel embarrassed, experts cite the following reasons:

1. Children are less likely to feel ashamed of their bodies

   • Talking matter-of-factly with official names reduces the image of "special embarrassment" or "dirtiness."
     
     

2. It becomes easier for children to accurately convey issues when they arise

   • It's easier for adults to understand the situation when a child can specifically say, "I was touched on my penis," rather than vaguely saying, "Someone touched me here."
     
     

3. It is understood as common language in medical institutions, daycare centers, and schools

Of course, there may be concerns like "What will the daycare think?" or "Will the family be surprised?" but it's worth gradually getting used to it as "words that value one's body" starting at home.

6. Small Choices Foster the Sense of "My Body, My Decision"

The article also introduces the importance of "giving children small choices" in everyday situations beyond diaper changing.Phys.org+1

For example:

• "Which shirt do you want to wear, the blue one or the yellow one?"

• "Do you want to eat an apple or a banana?"

• "Do you want to go to the park or take a walk around the house?"

Such questions build a sense of

• I chose it → My choice was respected

• It's okay to