Why Did He Marry "The Next Person"?—The Cruel Persuasiveness of the "Taxi Theory" Resurfacing on Social Media

In love, there are events that seem inexplicable.

A man who hesitated to marry his partner of many years suddenly gets engaged to the next woman he meets after their breakup.
Someone who said, "I can't think about marriage now," is planning to start a family with someone else just six months later.
Upon hearing this news, the ex-partner might wonder,
"Was I not enough, or was it just bad timing?"

This pain is encapsulated in a brutally simple yet piercing metaphor known as the "Taxi Theory."

Originally popularized by the TV show 'Sex and the City,' where Miranda discusses her views on love, the theory suggests that men are like taxis. When they are not ready for marriage or settling down, their "vacant" light is off. No matter how wonderful a woman signals them, they won't stop. However, the moment they decide it's time to settle down, the light turns on, and they pick up the woman standing there at that moment, heading towards marriage.

Of course, this is not a formal psychological theory. It has been criticized for being overly male-centric and heteronormative. Yet, the reason this metaphor continues to be discussed over 20 years later is that many people feel they've seen such cases.

The original article explores why this "Taxi Theory" is gaining renewed attention on social media. One catalyst was a post suggesting that rumors of an engagement between Harry Styles and Zoë Kravitz were proof of the Taxi Theory. This was not presented as a verified fact but rather as a way for people to relate their own romantic experiences to celebrity news.

On TikTok, the perspective that "timing is also a part of compatibility" has spread. Women, upon meeting their "ideal partner," may try to adapt to the relationship even if they're not fully ready. Meanwhile, men may not act unless they themselves are ready, even if they meet an attractive partner.

This viewpoint garners both empathy and opposition.

Those who empathize say, "My ex-boyfriend of many years quickly married his next girlfriend," "The same thing happened to a friend," and "Men seem to decide based on 'when' rather than 'who.'" Especially in relationships after the age of 30, marriage, childbirth, career, living location, and parental care become more realistic conditions. Therefore, love no longer progresses purely on emotion.

On the other hand, skeptics argue, "It's not that simple." A man may have married the next person simply because they were more compatible. He may have learned from past heartbreaks and immaturity, enabling different choices in the next relationship. Or perhaps there were unsolvable issues with the previous partner.

The essence of the Taxi Theory is not that "men will marry just anyone." More accurately, it suggests that "people may not be able to progress in a relationship with a good partner if they're not ready."

One man featured in the original article had long been in non-committal relationships but eventually felt a sense of having "played enough." As the excitement of nightlife and free love faded and friends found joy in family and stability, his values changed. This change might seem sudden, like a light turning on, but internally, it may have been a gradual process over a long time.

The perspective of relationship coaches is also intriguing. They note that men who have long avoided commitment may suddenly seek deep relationships after experiencing heartbreak, rejection, or loneliness. They come to understand the pain they once caused someone else when they receive it from another person. It's only then that they realize the value of intimacy and sincerity. From the outside, this might look like "he married the next person," but in reality, past relationship failures may have changed him.

What's important here is not to jump to the cold conclusion that "the previous partner was just a stepping stone." In love, people often grow through relationships with others. However, the fruits of that growth are not always shared with the same partner. This is the most cruel aspect of the Taxi Theory.

Looking at reactions on social media, it's clear why this theory goes viral.

In the Reddit 'Sex and the City' community, some say, "I believe in this theory," and "I've seen it many times in real life," while others offer a more measured view: "Timing is important, but it's also crucial to be heading to the same destination." It's not just about whether to get in the taxi, but also where that taxi is going and whether the passenger truly wants to go to that destination.

On another male-focused forum, there's strong opposition. "It's unrealistic for men to marry the 'first person who comes along,'" "Many men don't have multiple next romantic candidates," and "We should talk about marriage rather than rely on such theories" are common sentiments. Here, the Taxi Theory is seen as a "post-hoc narrative" to explain women's heartbreak.

On X, some posts humorously link celebrity romance news to the "Taxi Theory," while others dismiss it as merely a rationale for women to convince themselves. On TikTok and Instagram, it is transformed into a more emotional and practical form: "If his light is off, no matter how hard you try, you won't be picked up," and "Instead of waiting for the light to turn on, you should choose your own destination."

The difference in reactions reflects not so much a gender divide as a difference in romantic experiences. For those who have waited long, this theory offers solace: "It wasn't my fault; maybe he just wasn't ready." However, for those who made others wait or feel uncomfortable being generalized as men, it seems like an unfair assumption.

In reality, experts are cautious about this theory. Decisions about love and marriage involve not just timing but also values, compatibility, life planning, economic conditions, emotional maturity, and communication skills. Furthermore, the Taxi Theory tends to overlook the agency of women, casting men as drivers and women as mere passengers.

However, in modern relationships, women also choose "which car to get into," "whether they need to get in at all," or "whether to drive themselves." It's not just about waiting for the other person's light to turn on; it's about questioning whether your own light is on and where you want to go.

To use the Taxi Theory effectively, it should be a tool for "examining the temperature difference in relationships" rather than "categorizing partners."

For example, consider these questions:

Does this person truly not want to get married?
Or do they just not want to marry me?
Are they simply not ready right now?
Can they talk specifically about when they will be ready?
Do I want to wait for that uncertain time?
Or am I putting my life on hold by waiting?

The hardest part of love is continuing to believe in "someday." Someday he'll change. Someday he'll talk about the future. Someday he'll choose me. But sometimes that "someday" doesn't exist in the other person's mind at all.

The reason the Taxi Theory resonates is that it includes this harsh reality. No matter how much you love someone, if they're not at the same stage in life, the relationship may not progress. No matter how compatible you are, if they're not ready to face their own immaturity or fears, the future remains uncertain.

However, believing too much in this theory poses another danger.
You might start to worry, "Was I just chosen by chance?"

If your partner decided to marry you not out of love but because of timing, if you were chosen not because you were special but because their light was on, you might start to doubt your current relationship.

However, real-life marriages and long-term relationships are rarely a choice between "love or timing." Timing was right, so you met. Compatibility was good, so it continued. Conversations deepened it. The relationship was formed because both parties kept choosing each other. These multiple factors overlap.

What the Taxi Theory overlooks is not the "moment of picking up" but the "time of continuing to drive." Choosing someone is less challenging than continuing to choose them. Marriage is not the goal; it's the daily drive. There are traffic jams, detours, and wrong turns. The real compatibility is determined by whether you can communicate, correct course, and re-evaluate the direction during those times.

Therefore, there's no need to completely dismiss the Taxi Theory. Timing does matter. There are times when people are ready to embrace love and times when they're not. Fear of losing freedom, economic anxiety, past wounds, views on family, and career priorities—if these aren't aligned, no matter how attractive the partner, it may feel like "not now."

However, explaining love solely through this is risky.
People are not taxis.
Just because the light is on doesn't mean they'll pick up anyone.
And those getting in also have the right to choose.

What this theory truly teaches is perhaps that "you shouldn't put your life on hold until the other person is ready."

In love, the important thing is not to fixate on the other person's light.
It's to know where your own light is shining.

Is the other person currently seeking a long-term relationship?
What do I want?
Are we trying to move in the same direction?
Can we talk about it without ambiguity?

The Taxi Theory is not a truth about love. However, it is a mirror reflecting the anxieties of modern relationships. Love alone is not enough. Timing alone is not enough. What is needed is for those who are ready to choose each other not by chance but with intention.

List of Source URLs

The Independent: Referenced for the background of the "Taxi Theory" from 'Sex and the City' gaining attention again, including insights from male participants, relationship coaches, and male mental health supporters.
https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/dating-taxi-cab-theory-sex-and-the-city-b2975096.html

Verywell Mind: Referenced for expert criticism that the "Taxi Theory" lacks psychological basis, oversimplifies gender, and overlooks women's agency.
https://www.verywellmind.com/taxi-cab-theory-11951308

SELF: Referenced for expert comments on the background of why men suddenly seem to commit, including psychological readiness, social roles, compatibility, and growth from past heartbreaks.
https://www.self.com/story/taxi-cab-theory-explained

Reddit / r/sexandthecity: Referenced for supportive, skeptical, and metaphorical reactions to the "Taxi Theory" in the 'Sex and the City' viewer community.
https://www.reddit.com/r/sexandthecity/comments/1rcpww9/thoughts_on_the_taxi_cab_theory/

Reddit / r/AskMenAdvice: Referenced for male perspectives opposing the "Taxi Theory," stating "men don't marry the first person who comes along" and "we should have conversations."
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/1gkmmrv/what_is_your_opinion_on_the_taxi_cab_theory/

X Post Example: Referenced as an example of social media reactions discussing the "Taxi Theory" in relation to celebrity romance news.
https://x.com/MzXtraordinare/status/2052082203530584211

X Post Example: Referenced as an example of social media reactions criticizing the "Taxi Theory" as a post-hoc interpretation by women.
https://x.com/GacheriNdumba/status/2041596515416731666