"Reading the Air" Isn't Enough: The Power of "EQ" That Japanese People Haven't Yet Put into Words

"Does that really hurt you?"

"Aren't you overthinking it?"

"Well, what I'm saying is correct, isn't it?"

"It's the fault of the person who did something to anger others."

"I'm the type who says exactly what I think."

If you live in Japan, there are probably few people who have never heard these kinds of words.

However, when it comes to considering these from the perspective of "EQ," the number of people who have done so might drastically decrease.

The term IQ, or intelligence quotient, has become a part of everyday language in Japan. Expressions like "high IQ" or "genius-level IQ" are not uncommon in TV programs or online articles.

On the other hand, what about "EQ"?

Since the 1990s, "emotional intelligence quotient" has been introduced in Japan and has been researched and practiced in fields like university education and human resource development. Yet, even now, it's not unusual for people to say, "I know the term EQ, but I don't know what it specifically means."

According to past materials from the private organization Six Seconds Japan, which deals with EQ, more than half of the people in 2016 said they had never heard of EQ or had heard of it but didn't know its content. Of course, this is not an official recognition survey targeting all of Japan, so it cannot be treated as a figure indicating the current recognition rate among Japanese people. Still, it serves as one piece of evidence that EQ is not as widely understood as IQ.

What's interesting, however, is that Japanese people are not unaware of issues corresponding to EQ.

"Reading the air"

"Putting yourself in someone else's shoes"

"Thinking about how you say things"

"Acting maturely"

"Not becoming emotional"

"Sensing"

"Being considerate"

These words are used daily.

In other words, in Japan, rather than discussing emotional intelligence as a single concept like "EQ," it might have been discussed in a fragmented state through various separate words.

So, how would our human relationships appear if we adopt a perspective of EQ?

EQ is Not a Measure of "Kindness"

EQ is often referred to as "Emotional Quotient" or "emotional intelligence quotient" for the general public, but in psychological research, the term Emotional Intelligence, or EI, is also widely used.

In Japanese research, emotional intelligence is explained as "the ability to recognize, express, and control one's own and others' emotions," and is studied as an ability related to interpersonal communication. At Tokuyama University, educational practices related to EQ have been implemented for university students, with attempts to examine changes in questionnaire scores before and after the course.

The first thing to note here is that

Having a high EQ does not mean being kind, always smiling, and never getting angry.

It does not mean that.

Anger, anxiety, jealousy, and sadness are natural human emotions.

What EQ questions is not the existence of emotions themselves, but rather

"What am I feeling right now?"

"Why do I feel this way?"

"What might the other person be feeling?"

"Is it okay to act on this emotion?"

"How should I express it to convey it to the other person?"

These are the aspects it focuses on.

This is slightly different from the common Japanese notion of "don't be emotional."

It's not about erasing emotions, but treating them as information.

That's what's important.

What People with High EQ Don't Do, as Discussed in Germany

On August 23, 2026, the German news site "tz" introduced emotional abilities that appear in conversations, based on explanations by emotional researcher Dirk Eilert, who studies facial expressions and body language.

Eilert emphasizes that "you can't diagnose someone's EQ as low just by hearing a specific word."

Anyone can make a slip of the tongue when tired.

When angry, one might say things they wouldn't normally say.

What's important is not a single statement, but a "pattern" that is repeated multiple times.

The article introduces four major areas.

The ability to recognize one's own emotions.

The ability to understand others' emotions.

The ability to regulate one's own emotions.

And the ability to express emotions appropriately.

When these four are applied to everyday life in Japan, surprisingly familiar issues become apparent.

1. Don't End with "Nothing" or "Just Irritated"

First, it's necessary to understand your own emotions.

In Japan, there's a tendency to focus on sensing others' feelings, but the starting point of EQ is rather "reading yourself."

For example, suppose you are reprimanded by your boss.

If you just end with "irritated,"

the response is likely to be "argue back," "ignore," or "become sulky."

However, if you think a bit more deeply,

"I was embarrassed to be told in front of everyone,"

"I felt frustrated because it seemed like even the parts I worked hard on were denied,"

"I'm afraid my evaluation will drop,"

"The content of what was said is correct, which makes me even angrier,"

there might be multiple emotions hidden beneath the anger.

Once you understand this, the actions you should take will change.

In Japan, there is sometimes an atmosphere that considers "people who put their emotions into words" as troublesome.

"You should understand without having to say it every time."

"Is it necessary to explain your feelings so much?"

Such thoughts might occur.

However, from the perspective of EQ, "enduring without knowing what you feel" is not necessarily an emotionally mature state.

Because being able to endure and understanding your own emotions are different things.

2. Don't Judge Others' Emotions as "Overthinking"

A phrase very commonly heard in Japan is

"overthinking."

There are also expressions like,

"Everyone endures that much,"

"Do you get depressed over something like that?"

"It's just a joke,"

"You're overanalyzing,"

"Your mental strength is too weak."

The person saying it might intend to encourage.

It might be well-intentioned, as in "You don't have to take it so seriously."

However, the problem is judging

"That way of feeling is excessive"

before understanding the other person's emotions. Even with the same event, emotions differ from person to person.

Some people don't mind being lightly teased at a company party, while others feel deeply hurt.

Some are fine without contact for a day, while others become anxious.

Therefore, a high EQ response is not about agreeing with everything the other person says.

"It didn't seem like a big issue to me, but it was unpleasant for you, wasn't it?"

Such understanding is possible.

This is important.

Empathy and agreement are not the same.

Trying to understand the other person's feelings doesn't mean you have to accept all their demands. This distinction might be surprisingly important in Japanese society.

Voices on Japanese Social Media Asking for Feelings to Be Taken Seriously

In August 2026, a post appeared in a Japanese-language Reddit community, expressing frustration that despite seriously conveying feelings, family members dismissed it as a "rebellious phase" and didn't face the concerns head-on.

 

This is just an interaction within a small SNS community and does not represent the reactions of all Japanese people.

However, the dissatisfaction of "I'm serious, but the other person arbitrarily decides the magnitude of my emotions" is quite close to the issues pointed out in the original article.

When someone says,

"I'm having a hard time,"

and the other person decides,

"It can't be that hard,"

from the outside.

Even without frequently using the term EQ in Japanese, many people might know from experience that this is a "difficult conversation."

3. Don't Shift All Emotional Responsibility with "You Made Me Angry"

In arguments between couples or parents and children, the phrase

"I got angry because you did that"

often appears.

At first glance, it sounds natural.

Indeed, others' actions can trigger anger.

Promises were broken.

Insults were made.

You were ignored.

You were treated unfairly.

It's natural to get angry.

However, the original article points out the necessity of separating the "trigger" of emotions from the subsequent "actions."

You got angry.

So you yelled.

So you took it out on objects.

So you said hurtful words.

If you explain everything up to this point as

"It's because the other person made me angry, so it can't be helped,"

the opportunity to reflect on your actions disappears.

In the concept of EQ,

"I'm angry because of your actions"

is acceptable.

But next,

"So, how should I handle this anger?"

there is a choice on your side.

This doesn't mean "you must not get angry."

Rather,

"I'm quite angry right now. In this state, I might say something terrible, so I want to take some time."

Being able to say this is a more advanced form of emotional regulation.

In Japan, "People Who Can Endure" Are Often Seen as Adults

Here, a unique Japanese misunderstanding can easily arise.

When it comes to controlling emotions,

it's often interpreted as

"not showing it on your face,"

"not getting angry,"

"not crying,"

"not bringing emotions into the workplace."

However, EQ is not a competition to suppress emotions.

"Acting like you're fine even when you're angry"

is not necessarily high EQ.

"Being aware of your anger and conveying it in a way that suits the situation"

is also included.

Therefore,

people who endure aren't necessarily high in EQ.

Enduring for years and suddenly cutting off relationships.

Saying nothing