Why Do Cats Approach People Who Dislike Them? The True Intentions Behind This "Reversal Phenomenon"

People who are not fond of cats often find themselves approached by them. For cat lovers, this phenomenon is slightly frustrating, while for those who dislike cats, it's a bit troublesome. This has been a common topic in households with pet cats for years.

When guests arrive, cat-loving visitors enter with bright eyes, exclaiming "cute" and calling out to the cat. They crouch down, extend their hands, and call the cat by name. However, the cat often brushes off such enthusiastic welcomes. Instead, it tends to approach the person quietly sitting at the edge of the sofa, avoiding eye contact, and hoping to avoid interaction.

In the worst-case scenario, the cat might jump onto that person's lap.

For cat lovers, it's a moment of "why not me?" and for those who aren't fond of cats, it's "why me of all people?" However, from the perspective of cat behavior, this isn't particularly strange.

An article in the German magazine Stern recounts an episode where a black cat from childhood jumped onto the lap of a neighbor woman who was afraid of cats. This cat usually showed little interest in visitors and preferred to relax in a rocking chair. The family thought it would be fine when the woman visited. However, the cat seemed to target her and jumped onto her lap.

Regarding this seemingly awkward behavior, biologist Dennis C. Turner, who has researched the relationship between cats and humans, suggests that cats might be trying to assess "difficult-to-judge people."

Cat lovers tend to show their affection for cats quite clearly. They follow the cat with their eyes, call out to it, reach out, and try to pet it. Among humans, these are signs of friendliness and welcome. However, cats don't always interpret them that way. Especially for cats meeting someone for the first time, being stared at directly or having their space invaded can trigger caution rather than comfort.

On the other hand, people who are not fond of cats tend to exhibit the opposite behavior. They don't look at the cat, don't call it, don't try to touch it, and if the cat approaches, they try to minimize their reaction. From a human perspective, this attitude says "I don't want to engage," but from a cat's perspective, it can appear as "someone who doesn't push" or "someone who doesn't disrupt my pace."

In other words, people who dislike cats might ironically be exhibiting a very polite attitude from the cat's perspective.

Cats check out "who is this person?" Cat lovers' actions are easy to read. It's clear they want to get closer to the cat. However, people who aren't fond of cats don't send out active signals to the cat. They aren't hostile, don't approach, and don't touch. Yet, they are in the same room. To the cat, they are a bit of an enigma.

Because they are hard to read, the cat goes to check them out.

This explanation doesn't romanticize the capriciousness of cats but rather highlights their cautious nature. Cats are curious animals but also value their safety zones. They like to approach on their own terms but often dislike being approached aggressively. The more humans take the lead, the more cats withdraw; the more they feel they have choices, the more likely they are to approach.

This is precisely where cat lovers often go wrong.

Because they love cats, they can't help but watch them. Because they're cute, they want to touch them. If the cat runs away, they want to call it again. As the distance closes a bit, they want to become even closer. The affection itself isn't bad, but to a cat, that level of enthusiasm can seem excessive.

Research from Nottingham Trent University and others also shows that people who are familiar with cats or consider themselves cat lovers don't always interact with cats in a way that is comfortable for the cats. Those who think they know a lot about cats might touch various parts of the cat's body or continue to interact without waiting for the cat's response.

There are places on a cat's body that are easier to touch and more acceptable. Cheeks, under the chin, and the base of the ears are generally more acceptable to many cats. On the other hand, many cats dislike having their abdomen, tail area, or paws touched. Of course, there are individual differences, but if a cat is touched beyond the range it has allowed, it may initially tolerate it but eventually start flicking its tail, flattening its ears, or pulling away.

If these signs are missed, the cat may decide that "this person is too pushy." As a result, the sad phenomenon occurs where a cat lover is avoided.

This theme frequently comes up on social media as well. On platforms like X, Threads, and Reddit, reactions such as "the more someone wants to be liked by a cat, the more they are avoided," "only my friend who dislikes cats seems to attract them," and "cats target people who ignore them" are common.

From the cat lovers' side, there are many complaints like "I feed the cat every day, yet it sits on the lap of a visitor who dislikes cats," "the more I call its name, the less it comes, but when I ignore it, it comes," and "to be liked by a cat, you have to pretend not to be interested."

On the other hand, from those who aren't fond of cats, there are voices saying, "It's really troublesome. I'm too scared to move, but the more I stay still, the more they come," "I try not to make eye contact, yet somehow I get targeted," and "I want to be disliked by cats, but apparently, they like me."

People who own cats often take this phenomenon as a half-joking matter. Explanations like "cats are testing human affection," "cats think the least reactive person is the safest," and "cats like to approach on their own terms and dislike being approached" tend to resonate on social media.

In recent years, negative comments about cats have sometimes sparked debates on social media. When celebrities post remarks suggesting "cats aren't friendly animals," cat lovers often respond with rebuttals, spreading comments like "cats aren't cold, they just have a different sense of distance," "cats are misunderstood because people expect them to behave like dogs," and "cats' expressions of affection are quiet and hard to understand."

At the root of this debate is the human expectation of how to view cats.

If the standard of "pet-like" behavior is set as coming when called, being friendly to everyone, and showing obvious joy, cats might seem capricious and cold. However, cats interact with humans by a different set of rules. A cat's affection doesn't come from exaggerated expressions tailored to the other person but from a place of comfort and choice.

When a cat approaches a human, it's not always just because it wants to be affectionate. It might want to check things out, sniff, measure a safe distance, or understand the person's reaction. When a cat approaches someone who isn't fond of cats, it might not be because it likes them but because it's trying to figure out "what kind of person is this?"

The important point here is that cats don't fully understand human emotions. Cats likely don't understand in human terms that "this person dislikes cats." However, they are sensitive to things like the orientation of the human body, gaze, movement size, voice pitch, and the way hands are extended.

People who aren't fond of cats might stiffen their bodies to avoid getting close to them. They might avert their gaze. They might not extend their hands. As a result, from the cat's perspective, they become "someone who doesn't attack," "someone who doesn't chase," and "someone who keeps their distance." Cats find safety in that.

Conversely, even though cat lovers have no ill intent, they can appear busy to cats. The gaze comes. The hand comes. The voice comes. The smartphone points. The smile approaches. To humans, it's affection, but to cats, it's too much information.

Therefore, if you want to be liked by a cat, the first thing to do is not to appeal to the cat. Rather, it's to do nothing.

Even if there's a cat in the room, don't approach it immediately. Don't keep staring at it directly. Don't call out loudly. If you extend your hand, stop at a distance where the cat can sniff it on its own. If the cat approaches, don't touch it immediately; first, observe its reaction. If the cat rubs against you, raises its tail, or shows a calm demeanor, pet it briefly. Then stop. If it wants more, the cat will approach again.

What's important to cats is "having a choice."

Choosing to approach. Choosing to sniff. Choosing to be touched. Choosing to leave. Cats feel more at ease in situations where they can decide their actions. Even if humans have good intentions, if those choices are taken away, cats will keep their distance.

So, what should people who aren't fond of cats do?

If you don't want cats to approach you, just freezing up can sometimes have the opposite effect. Cats find it easier to approach quiet, still people. It's best to communicate with the owner in advance if being in the same room makes you uneasy. If you have allergies or fear, it's better to adjust the environment, such as having the cat moved to another room, changing where you sit, or adopting a posture where the cat can't jump on your lap, to resolve the situation calmly.

Avoid waving your hands to scare the cat away or shouting loudly, as it will only increase tension for both the cat and the human. For both the cat and those who aren't fond of cats, maintaining a distance is the safest approach.

What's interesting about this topic is that cat behavior also applies to human relationships. Affection isn't conveyed by forcing it. If the desire to get closer is too strong, it can become a burden for the other person. Conversely, respecting the other person's pace and leaving options open can lead to trust.

Cats teach us this very clearly.

People who are liked by cats are those who don't try to control them. They don't rush the cat. They can wait for the cat's reaction. If the cat doesn't come, that's fine; if it does, they quietly accept it. Cats feel safe approaching people who have such space.

Therefore, when a cat jumps onto the lap of someone who isn't fond of cats, it's not because the cat is being mean. It's not teasing them. The cat is simply responding to the signals that say "won't chase," "won't touch," and "won't disrupt my pace."

What cat lovers need might not be to call the cat more, but to wait for the cat a little.

And what people who aren't fond of cats need might be to understand that, before lamenting "why am I the only one targeted," they appear very safe to the cat.

Cats may seem capricious, but they are actually observant. Who is watching them? Who is approaching? Who is reaching out? Who is staying quiet? Cats read these small differences and choose whom to approach and check out.

The person a cat chooses isn't necessarily someone who likes cats.
Cats choose people who seem unlikely to interfere with their freedom.

Sources & References

Stern Article: An article introducing biologist Dennis C. Turner's explanation of why cats approach people who dislike them
https://www.stern.de/panorama/weltgeschehen/sie-moegen-katzen-nicht--warum-die-tiere-gerade-das-reizvoll-finden-33328286.html?utm_campaign=tag-im-ueberblick&utm_medium=rssfeed&utm_source=standard

Nottingham Trent University: Research introduction suggesting the importance of giving cats the choice when interacting
https://www.ntu.ac.uk/about-us/news/news-articles/2021/07/let-cats-decide-when-to-be-petted-to-avoid-them-becoming-hostile-and-increase-their-affection%2C-study-suggests

Nottingham Trent University: Research introduction suggesting that experienced cat lovers don't always interact with cats in a desirable way
https://www.ntu.ac.uk/about-us/news/news-articles/2022/08/the-most-experienced-cat-owners-are-giving-their-pets-unwelcome-affection%2C-study-suggests

Scientific Reports: Study on the interaction between human personality, experience, and contact style with cats
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-022-15194-7

PubMed: Review by Dennis C. Turner on social interactions between cats and humans
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33869324/

Battersea Dogs & Cats Home: Video explaining how to interact with cats, "The Battersea Way"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwqG2wLb0KQ

Reddit: Example of a public discussion on why cats approach people who dislike or are indifferent to them
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1ne7bet/why_do_cats_always_find_the_one_person_who_doesnt/

People: Example of social media reactions to negative comments about cats
https://people.com/doechii-claims-cats-genuinely-arent-friendly-animals-11919379