Revealed by TikTok's "Bird Theory"! What Are the True Feelings of Modern Couples?

Why Does "Bird Theory" Resonate? — The Reason the World Reacts to "I saw a bird today."

In the fall of 2025, "Bird Theory" is experiencing a resurgence on TikTok. The cue is just one phrase — "I saw a bird today." Observing how the other person "engages" with this statement is key. Do they ask questions, show interest, or simply ignore it? Minimalist videos of couples' conversations are taking over the For You page. While it may seem like a trend, it is underpinned by years of interpersonal relationship research. Legendary researcher John Gottman has been advocating since the 1990s for the concept of "bid for connection" — the theory that people respond to small calls for attention in three ways: "turning toward," "turning away," or "turning against." Gottman's research found that couples with high relationship satisfaction "turned toward" bids 86% of the time, while those with low satisfaction did so only 33% of the time. Bird Theory is essentially measuring this "accumulation of small differences." gottman.com

Bird Theory = A Pop Translation of "Bid Theory"

Media outlets are framing this resurgence as a phenomenon that translates psychology into pop culture. Mental Floss explains that the essence of the trend is not the bird itself, but the phrase as an "entry point" to gauge interest in a partner. They connect the observation of reactions to "I saw a bird today" on TikTok to the "bid theory." The important part is not the bird, but the exchange of signals that say, "I care about what you see." Mental Floss

Roots and Pathways of Spread

The trend first emerged in 2023 as the "Bird Test" and reignited in October 2025 under the name "Bird Theory." Knowledge sites like KnowYourMeme have documented the timeline of specific posts and viewership growth, showing how individual videos garnering millions of views sparked the trend. This "history on the ground" serves as evidence that this is an observable phenomenon on the platform, not just a matter of mood. Know Your Meme

Celebrities Join In, But Beware of "One-Shot Judgments"

The UK media outlet Independent has organized the timeline from the initial wave in 2023 to the current resurgence, highlighting examples of influencers and celebrities participating. For instance, 'The Bachelorette' star Hannah Brown brought up the bird topic with her partner, who responded with specific questions, earning a "pass" in a heartwarming example. However, experts caution against judging relationships based on a single lack of response. Cosmopolitan emphasizes that this is merely a prompt to enhance "awareness of everyday moments," not an evaluation tool. Video recording and sharing should be consensual, with care taken not to undermine trust in the relationship. The Independent

Map of Social Media Reactions: Praise, Anxiety, Parody, and Meta-Discussion

1) Voices of Praise — "I'm glad they show interest in small things."
Comment sections are filled with praise for partners who ask, "Where did you see it? What kind of bird?" These chains of questions cultivate the "shared ground" of a relationship and are the epitome of the "turning toward" response in bid theory. In the Independent's example, the cycle of questioning → empathy → topic expansion elicited "precious" reactions from viewers. The Independent

2) Anxiety and Pressure — The Unease of Being "Tested"
On the other hand, there is noticeable backlash from those who dislike being secretly tested. Cosmopolitan suggests enjoying it as entertainment but advises against "scoring personalities or relationships based on a single reaction" and recommends that filming and sharing be consensual. Instead of a test, it should be seen as "practice," with frequent small bids in everyday life. Cosmopolitan

3) Parody — "Does it have to be a bird?"
The trend eventually leads to self-deprecation and dislocation. More people are humorously challenging partners or roommates with statements like "I saw a manhole today," enjoying the reactions. Fast Company summarizes that "shared enthusiasm for mundane things" is what supports relationships. The bird is merely a metaphor; what's important is the attitude of "joining in on the small amusements you find." Fast Company

4) Meta-Discussion — The Risks of "Algorithm × Intimacy"
When view counts and engagement are visible, private interactions can become "content." KnowYourMeme's collection of cases reflects the gamification of view counts but also highlights the potential for encouraging "relationship scoring." This is where the tension between public exposure and intimacy becomes apparent. Know Your Meme

The Psychological Mechanism: Why "Bird" Works

Bids often involve vulnerability. It's intimidating to directly say "pay attention to me," so we test the other's attention through different topics — like a "bird." What is exchanged here is not information but "interest." Gottman refers to bids as the "basic unit of emotional communication," arguing that the accumulation of small "turns toward" in daily life affects trust, emotional intimacy, and even sexual satisfaction. The difference between 86% and 33% illustrates that it's not romantic grand gestures but "a series of minute moments" that determine fate. gottman.com

Implementation Guide: As an "Everyday Skill," Not a Test

• Co-Creation over Observation: Instead of focusing on whether a bird was "seen," engage in "creating" the topic together (e.g., "Where did you see it?" "What color was it?").

• Frequency over Perfection: Rather than a perfect response, frequent turns toward are key. Even putting down your phone for 30 seconds to make eye contact is significant.

• Designing Consent: Filming and sharing should be agreed upon in advance. Verbalize each other's "comfort lines." Cosmopolitan

• Reverse Bids: Offer trivial topics yourself for the other person. "I saw a strange cloud on my commute today" is enough.

• Handling "Days You Can't Turn Toward": When tired, respond with "Tell me properly later" as a "hold signal." It's much more relational than no response.

From a Marketer's Perspective: How Brands Can Engage with "Birds"

Even in creator tool trend summaries, #BirdTheory is listed as an October trend, attracting corporate attention to the UGC wave. The key to jumping on the bandwagon is "not to mock too much." Brands need to engage without disrupting the quiet observational drama of interest exchanges. Kapwing

Conclusion — Not an Evaluation Tool, but a Ritual of Awareness

Bird Theory is a "gentle ritual" that anyone can do. There is no right answer. It's just about leaning into the small excitements and discoveries of the person in front of you. When these accumulate, the relationship gains a "shared sense" that needs no explanation. The bird may fly away, but the "space" created in that moment remains.